Tuesday, 21 December 2010


Okie dokie, no less than three people have pointed out to me today that it is two years until the 21st of December, 2012. My first response was "congratulations", but then I remembered what's so important about that date: the world is apparently supposed to end. Just before Christmas as well, typical. I then proceeded to go into great lengths about why it is a fucking stupid notion that the world will end. Permit me to inform you of the reasons why the world will not end, dear reader.

Let me ask plainly: Is the world going to end? The answer is: of course it fucking well isn't. If that's all you wanted, you can now get on with your life, safe in the knowledge you've got no excuse to start panicking. No, seriously, I mean it. The top scientific minds of the world back me up.

If you are, however, still here, allow me to explain why the world will not end. I will use the magic of facts, rather than the speculation the scaremongers keep regurgitating. What is more, I shall make it a list, because we all like lists! OK, dear reader, let's go.

  • A scaremonger would tell you that the Mayan Calendar ends on the 21st of December 2012. That's not, strictly speaking, accurate. What actually happens is that the Mayan Long-Count period ends. That's nothing important though, because then a new one starts. If it helps, just picture it as a bloody long year. Does the world end when your calendar ends? No it doesn't, you just buy a new one. It's the same concept here. The end of the Mayan Long-Count period means absolutely nothing, and yet it is often the argument most often given. Their calendar does not just cease to exist, it just restarts.
  • Another argument is the following: a planet called Nibiru, a hypothetical planet discovered by the Sumerians, will impact the Earth. You read that correctly: hypothetical. It does not exist. Even if I hadn't read NASA's articles on it, I still know enough to tell you it's not real. I became vaguely fascinated by the theory when I first came across it, then quickly debunked it in my mind. For a planet to impact with us, it has to be approaching us, correct? To hit us in two years, it has to be fairly close, correct? If it is close enough to hit us in two years, why can we not see it? And, more importantly, why isn't it being tracked by every astronomer in the world? The answer, simply, is because it doesn't exist. In fact, let me talk to you a little about the origins of this theory. It was first proposed in 1995 by Nancy Lieder, founder of the website ZetaTalk. She claims to be a contactee: someone who can receive messages from aliens. She claims she was chosen to warn humanity that Niburu would either impact Earth, or pass within close proximity, causing a pole-shift (more on that later). I believe in the supernatural, but that's fucking ridiculous. Oh, do you know what else? Nibiru was initially supposed to kill us all in May 2003. it was changed to the titular 2012 when nothing happened.
  • The Polar-Shift theory is that the Earth's crust perform a 180, thus causing north to become south. This is supposed to happen in as little as a few hours. It would reverse the orbit of the Earth, and bad things would happen. But do you know what? It's impossible. The closest you can ever get to that is the regular tectonic movements, that happen all the time. The consequences of some of them aren't nice, but they're not exactly Armageddon.A good number of websites would spew 'facts' at you, chief among them being that the Earth supposedly has a shift around every 400,000 years. But if that was true, why hasn't the Earth exploded or something by now? Simply because it doesn't cause our orbit to suddenly reverse and give everyone fatal motion sickness. Yes, it does shift at irregular intervals. No, it's not dangerous at all. And no, one's not going to happen for a long time. Certainly not in 2012. You may as well forget they exist.
  • Let's deal with another impact theory. Some people believe a planet called Eris will impact the Earth and blow us all to Hell. Guess what? Eris is a real planet. It's a 27% larger than Pluto and even has it's own little moon, Dysnomia. It was discovered in 2005 and to the right is it's orbit. Yes, the blue oval: it's further out than Pluto most of the time. The Earth isn't even marked on that chart. Do you know why? Because it's of no consequence: it'll never hit us. Ever. It doesn't matter how mad it's orbit is, it's just not going to. Full stop.

  • Will there be a meteor that'll hit us and wipe us out? Short answer: no. Long answer: the last meteor that hit us that was powerful enough to cause 'the end of the world' was 65 million years ago, and it ganked most of the dinosaurs. This is NASA's research program on meteors. There's not going to be an impact in 2012. Fair enough, we're always in danger of being hit by a meteor. But if one did hit, it wouldn't hit with the strength to wipe out humanity. More's the pity.
  • What about a solar storm? Yeah, there's going to be what is called a Solar Maximum (strongest level of solar activity in a cycle) between 2012 and 2014. Every 11 years is a solar cycle, so if you're reading this, you've probably already lived through one. Oh, do you know what? The one predicted in that two year window is predicted to be decidedly average.
  • Will there be a special planetary alignment? No. There will not. That's really all there is to write about that. Planets align all the time. Satellites align all the time. We had an eclipse this very morning. that pissed me off actually, the first eclipse during the winter solstice since the 1600's and I missed it!
  • Some people claim the Earth will enter the 'Dark Rift'. The Dark Rift (and I do love that name) is the dust clouds in the inner arm of the Milky Way. That's why we can't see the center of the galaxy. We'll simply never enter it, and even if we did, absolutely nothing would happen. Do you think some dust could balls-up the Earth? Because it can't.
Righty, that's my debunking of the end of the world. Don't start citing religion at me, or I'll just make another post explaining why religious claims are wrong as well. Now please take my advice: relax. The media seems to think we're in mortal danger every day anyway, so don't start worrying about things that simply will not happen. Thank you for your patience, dear reader. I hope that if you were worried, I've helped put your mind at rest.

Until next time!


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