Sunday, 30 January 2011


Hello, Twila... Ugh, I could swear that this thing is draining my IQ. But do it I must, because I love you all, dear readers! I suffer through these so you don't have to. And for the entertainment value, of course.

A/N: ok u noe wat prepz [no, what? Tell me, o moronic one!]? im gong 2 rite mi stori betta [you're clearly not going to write your notes 'betta' though] so u guyz kan stup complaning abot chatzpeek [good. Otherwise I'll have to rip your head off through the internet]. SO NOW U WILL HAV NOTHING 2 FLAMM ABOT HA HA [apart from the rest of it...]. nd btw stopp tellin me 2 use spellchek, becuz im using notpad nd it dosnt have it ok [use Word? Actually, I'll make that an order. Use Word]! midnite fanx for da good reveiws, n every1 else hu gav me good reveiws, u guyz rokk! TATA GLIESBIE I LUV U [freak...]! PREPZ STUP FLAMMING!1 GOTHZ ROCK 666
When I woke up Deward was over me [dripping. Must be the morning]. "Twilla. TWILA!" he screwed into my ear [whaaaaaaat...]. "Youre going to be ok."
My long strait [*resists urge to make Dire Straits reference*] hair was all around me, I was laying on the flor. I was wearing a black spagitti strap [they're like straps made of spaghetti] shirt with a matching sweatshirt [also made of spaghetti, then] over it nd a blak jean skirt with MCR pins on it. I had on ripped fishnets [the concept of ripped fishnet stockings seems very redundant to me] and blak highheels [fishnet stockings? High heels? That's how you dress for the bedroom, so I sincerely hope you're not going out like that...] that had spikes coming out of them [my comment still stands]. There were bandagez all over my arms and body were I cut myself [suicide: you're still doing it wrong. Please get someone else to do it]. You could c the blood coming thru. [If you're cut that badly that you're still bleeding despite being bandaged for what I assume is hours, you'll probably want to get that looked at.]
"Just fukk off ok?" I said with a sad smile [there's no such thing as a sad smile. Unless you mean a frown? Why were you smiling when telling him to fuck off anyway?!] and I storted to cry. He tried 2 comfort me. He had his bronz hair in spikes with purple steaks in it and he had on white fondation on his sexah face [yes, he sounds absolutely delightful. Also, I'm fucking insane]. There were tears raining down from his topaz eyes [I thought she was the one with topaz eyes? And topaz still isn't a specific colour]. "No plese tell me y you did this." He shooted.
"I dont want to effing [she's got no problem with saying 'fuck' the rest of the time. She must have had a bump on the head] talk abot it ok can you just bakk the fuk [well, she's no problem saying it when she can spell it correctly anyway...] off!" I was so depressed. I got up off the floor and tried 2 run out the door but Edward stopped me. "WAIT!" he whimspered. "There is some1 waiting for you out there, itz not safe." His voice got all low and hott like a male version of Amy Lee in the begining of Goin Under. [Yes, I misread that as 'Groin Under'. What a way to defuse the tension... Wait, what tension?]
"But I really need too talk to you." I begged pleasingly [but she was telling him to fuck off 10 seconds ago! Maybe she's schizophrenic]. "Lissen, I cant stay in dis school anymore." [You're a vampire. You don't need to go to school anyway.]
"WE CAN TALK LATER, WATCH OUT, SHEZ ABOUT TO BREAK DOWN THE DOOR [WHO?! And how does he know?]!" Suddenly I turned around and the door smashed down. It was .. ... BUFFI THE VAMPIR SLAYER! [I swear I am not making anything up. I hope she kills them. Speaking of killing Edward Cullen, this picture of Kain killing him makes me smile every time I see it.] 
 Do you know who else would have no trouble with these two? Harry Dresden.
 Richter Belmont wouldn't have any trouble either.
(a/n fanx for da sugestion [I think it may have been a pisstake]! 666 XXX)
"Ahahaha, dont even bother," she said meanly. "You cant escape from me Twila Beatiful Psyco Topaz Sad'ness Cullen."
But I was to angry to even c her [and yet you knew who it was before she even spoke?]. "You now what Edword, u never pay attencion to me [surely you've got bigger things to worry about? Like a vampire hunter being less than 10 feet away from you?]. Why dont you just go to Emett, so you guys can screw? Becuz you obviously dont care abot me." "NO PLEASE" he got down on his knees with dark tearz of sorrow. "Give me another chance" [Vampire. Hunter. Right. Next. To. You.]
"Do you remebr what I said that nite." He lookd at me all confused and sad, and Buffie started 2 take out her sword [I thought you were too angry to see her? Also, what's wrong with a stake? Canon Buffy could have killed these two 5 times over by now]. "I SED ONE MORE CHANCE AND I MEANT IT NOW YOU CAN JUST GET THE FUKK OUT OF MI LIFE BECAUSE YOU ONLY HURT ME." [Yes, but we all know she'll take him back. Also, there's a vampire hunter right next to you.]
I took off da pentargram he had gotten me [such a romantic gift...] nd just before I was about to throw it out the window he ran over and hugged me and startd 2 sing "Cruxifiction in Space" by Marlin Manson. Dat song was so touching and I had to forgiv him. [Sigh... These people live in a dream world. A dream world created by Tim Burton.]
"Excus me were were [were-were-werewolf!] we?" laughed Buffie da Vampir Slayer looking at us [at least that's relatively in-character. Relatively]. "Look if u dont get out of here, i am gong to post dese pictures of u screwing Angell on the internet [where did she get them from?! EXPLAIN]!" I shooted. She got scared becaus she didnt want 2 end up like that prep Pares Hilton. [Leaked pictures aren't the same as multiple leaked sextapes.]
A lot of other stuff happened nd then Edword went home, we were still marred [...]. But I didnt get 2 talk 2 him abot transferring [I have to assume Buffy just ceased to exist]. I went home n listened to Panic At Da Disko and put on a blak nitegown nd put my hare up in a blakk skull clip [you clipped your hare's skull?! I'm phoning the RSPCA!]. I went 2 take a bathe but when I went to da tub I saw. ... Edard!
"How did u get in here?" I asked shockly with anger. "I transported n, I have telekinisis." (a/n LIKE VOLXEMORT FROM MY IMMORTAL LOL.) [It wasn't correct then either. Telekineses: the ability to move things with one's mind. Telepathy: the ability to read another's mind. Teleportation: disappearing and reappearing instantly in another location. Epic. Fail.]
So we took off our cloths nd you guyz can guess what we did [but... Why would you play poker?] (yea u pervs get ur mindz out of the glutter [you'll need to get yours out of it firs, dear. As well as your writing].) The next morning I woke up and I COULDNT BELEVE IT. [No, I can't believe it either... You're still alive in sunlight!]
"OMFG ED WAKE UP RITE NOW." I scremed. He drove over 2 my house to see what waz wrong [surely he'd have stayed the night? Romance: it's dead]. "IM PREGGANT [this is the next day: it's too early to tell. Especially without anything happening]." I was crying. I started 2 kut my rists over the bandages with a razor [it might be an idea to take the bandages off first]. Just then da fone rang, it was the principal saying "Twola, ur going to be late for ur first day at Mount Saint Prepz Acadamy."
"THATZ IT THIS COULDNT BE ANY WORSE [you're a vampire: YOU. DON'T. NEED. TO. GO. TO. SCHOOL]." I flew in2 my bed and kept crying nd my pillow turned red nd black with makup and blood. [I'd have assumed it was red and black anyway. Call it intuition.]
I culdnt take it, my life was absolutely terrible and I had nofing left to live for. Edword tried 2 calm down and hug me but I punched him away. [Twila is officially too dumb to live. It's a wonder she didn't die years ago.]
"Please itll be ok." He pormised. But I didnt believe it. I just wanted 2 watch Da Ring nd overdosse with aspirin and pot [as you do]. I storted to sing How Could This Happen 2 Me by smipple plan. Ed weeped and weeped (a/n if u dont luv sensiteve guyz den fukk off [there's a difference between being sensitive, being effeminate, and being a crybaby. Three guesses as to which Edward is]!) nd I fell asleep having nitemares abot prepz and babiez. [That sounds like a hilarious nightmare.]
lol I BET U DINT EXPECT DAT [I wasn't expecting anything. I was merely anticipating that this fic would get worse and, horror of horrors, it did] WELL U WILL HAVE 2 WATE ND C WAT HAPPENZ. [I think we can guess...]

Oh boy... Now my head hurts, as does my IQ. I still can't believe this thing goes on for another 6 chapters. At least Tempation crapped out after 8.
Until next time! 


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