Tuesday, 4 January 2011


I will never be defeated by this fic. It may reduce me to dumbfoundedness, but it shall never defeat me. This chapter is tiny, but I don't want to absorb too much of this thing at once.

OK PPL HU REVIEW 2 SAY SHIT ABOUT MI STORI CAN GO FUKK DEMSELFS. my stori is beleiveble [blatant lies are blatant lies. You just won the coveted 'bullshit' label] u just hav 2 keep readin n u can c y [it's against my better judgment, but I have to]!1 but to ppl hu gav me good reveiws, THANX U GUYZ ROKK 333 LUV U [I wouldn't say that if I were you, you obviously don't know what they're doing.]
"Hey betch wat r u doin home." midnite asked. [Uh... Wasn't she with the Cullens in the previous chapter? Are there two of them? Or does she just suffer from short term memory loss? Or does she just suffer from short term memory loss?]
"u hav 2 promise not 2 say nething..." i sed nervly n midnite laffed n sed "hu wuld i say somthing 2, we r loners remeber?" [That means they must never say anything to anyone about anything. What boring individuals.]
"o yea" i sed and told her evrythin dat hapened. she gosped wen i told her abot edword kissing me [yeah, she gasps at that part. Not the part when Eddie hulked out, the family tried to tear her clothes off, or when Rose's throat was torn out. Yes, that makes sense...]. "SO WATE" she scremed "R U GUYZ IN LUV NOW OR WHUT?" [Are you 12?]
"ya were goin 2 homecuming [hur hur] 2getha." i showd her my blakk dress wif lace n leather n my spiky black shoez [sounds delightful. Very smart]. "edword sed he liks dese [I bet he does...]." we laffed happy 2gether n danced arond da house. we were so happi 4 me. i sang tenagerz by mcr. den. ... DA DOOR NOCKED! [By itself?!]
"TWIL WERE R U. sum1 asked frum outside. i went 2 da door n it was alison. i scremed. IF U FUKKING TRI 2 SUKK MI BLOOD AGEN ILL GET ED i told her [hasn't she opened the door yet?]. she bast in2 tearz. midnite quikly jumoed up 2 defend me but i told her to go awey bcuz i culd handle alis. [I doubt it. Alison's already demonstrated that she can tear someone's throat out.]
"ok y did u cum [hur hur] here." i sed. alisenz blody tears dint scare me. i new she had enuf blood 2 last cuz of wen she attaked alison [when she... Attacked herself and tore her own throat out? WHAT?!]. "i felt sooo bad 4 tring to drink ur blood" she histericly cry. "i wnted 2 alopogize wif a present." [Jesus, this really DOES hurt. It takes effort to make writing this trite.]
"All i wnat in dis world is edword, n i hav him so noting u can giv me matterz." i shucffed [WHAT IS THAT WORD?! WHAT IS IT A MISSPELLING OF?!] at her. But den ... she held up 2 TIKKETS 2 A MCR CONSERT! [And then she promptly forgot all of her principles.]
"OMFGGGGG!111" i was static [you were unmoving. Fair enough]. i grabed dem from her [rather rude] n gave 1 2 midnite. "actully" alison wimpered "1 was suposed 2 be 4 me. so we cold go 2getha"
"But i wanted 2 go wif ed [if you want to go with Edward, why did you give the second ticket to your sister?]" i shoted. i imagned his beutiful face wif his blakk eyliner n blakk lipstik. n his smexi bodi. OK alison sed. "we can jus tak mi hole family. esmet realli luvs mcr 2" [Two. Damn. Tickets.]
so we went to da consert n ed n i had innercoarse on da way. evry1 tought we wer so cute. [How predictable.]
"THIS NITE WALK DA DEAD" scremed gerad way. den... EVENIEZENCE KAME ON! dey sand a duet wif mcr. den dey sang sum more stuff. [I'm glad it's not being detailed at any rate.]
emet had an ejaxclamation [is that a cross between ejaculation and exclamation? That sounds... Interesting] in da audience n sudenly HE TURNED IN2 A BAT. "OH SHITTTTT NOOOO" EDWard sighed [that's a highly articulate sigh]. "dis is bad too twola, dis is realli bad." all dis bad stuf kept hapening wile i was wif dem [you're a jinx. I think you should shoot yourself]. vampirs turn int2 batz wen dey r realli exited [Twila's been pretty damn excited recently, so why hasn't she turned yet?] n evry1 wuld no his secret but no1 cared cuz dey wer all gothz [I think it'd freak out at least one of them]. gerad lookd at him from da stage n he jumpd down thru da crowd n came over 2 us.
"Hey r u a bat [I sense that he's a bit of a moron]." he sed in his fukking killer voce. i CREAMED so loud [hahahaha!] bcuz i luvvv gerad wif all my lyfe. his makueup waz runing bcuz he waz cring cuz dey sang helen (a/n dat song is abot his grandpa hu dyed RIP GERARDS GRANPA [quite. And was his grandfather called Helena? You'll excuse me if I don't give a shit]) but he glarced at emset n tuched his wings n he turned bak. [Great, does he have powers as well as everyone else?]
gerad went home wif da cullenz bcuz he nd emet becam bfs [no...]. cuz dey fell in luv [this is a crazy fantasy she's got going]. i was sooo jealous but ed got angy n i told him i luv him so it waz ok. WE ALL WENT HOM N I GOT GERARDS AUTOGRAF. [O RLY?]
PLZ GUYZ GIV ME MOR REVEIWS I FINK DIS WAZ A REALLI GUD CHAPTER [I think it was really awful. I believe you might agree, dear reader.]

Well, that took a disproportionate amount of time, considering how short it is. I'm going to go and forget that this mess of a fic exists now. Farewell!

Until next time!


SF said...

Oh god, I laughed so hard while re-re-re-reading this.

Post a Comment

Twitter Delicious Digg Stumbleupon Favorites