DC: My Immortal Chapt. 10, 11, & 12

This thing is slowly killing my will to live, so I've had three large whiskeys to make it more bearable. The world seems to be a happier place now.

Chapter 10.

AN: stup it u gay fags [ooOOOOoooo!] if u donot lik ma story den fukk off [OK! *Teddy leaves. After 10 minutes he comes back, has another shot of whiskey, and politely tells Tara to get stuffed*]! ps it turnz out b’loody mary isn’t a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok [what? They... WHAT?!]!

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I was really scared about Vlodemort all day [well, he is the Dark Lord. He legitimately should have killed you]. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666 [there are two subjects in this sentence, and they do not gel. This is very bad writing indeed, dear reader]. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar [of course]. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR [sounds absolutely terrible]. The other people in the band are B’loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron [a canon name for a canon character, finally!] (although we call him Diabolo now [fuck]. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Hargrid [yeah, just throw Hagrid in there, it's no problem]. Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren’t coming [why do I get the feeling that happens a lot? And why do I get the feeling 'depressed' was actually code for 'horny and up for some bumfun'? Enoby clearly doesn't see that] and we wrote songs instead [using the combined knowledge of music that they don't have in the canon. There again, nothing is canon in this tale]. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn’t die because he was a vampire too [remember this. Seriously, remember that statement] and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there’s no way I’m writing that [yet she repeatedly uses it through the rest of the fic. I may actually have pointed this out before. However, that may be the booze affecting my memory]) or a steak [rare or well done?]) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride [come on, that's not a depressing film at all. I rather like it actually]. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs [slut] and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt [SLUT. SLUT. SLUT.]. You might think I’m a slut [it's uncanny] but I’m really not [yes she is. Even if she dressed like she wasn't, you only need to look at how she acts during the rest of the fic. And even up to this point. Banging a guy who takes you into a forest on your first date? Come on].

We were singing a cover of ‘Helena’ and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears [yeah, that song offends my musical sensibilities too, Enoby. It's OK].

“Ebony! Are you OK?” B’loody Mary asked in a concerted voice [concerted? Has she multiplied?].

“What the fuck do you think?” I asked angrily [I think you need to be executed. Messily. With a rusty spoon]. And then I said. “[Clusterfuck coming up, dear reader!] Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don’t want to kill him, because, he’s really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don’t kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!” I burst into tears.
Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall.

“Why didn’t you fucking tell me!” he shouted. “How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!” (c is dat out of character [slightly less I suppose. But yes. Yes it is. Very. Still]?)

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying. [I think people are crying. Call it intuition.]

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn’t cause he had a headache. [Aww... He's not gonna swear!]

“What have you done!” He started to cry wisely [not another one crying. Wisely too. Impressive, I must say]. (c dats basically nut swering [no it bloody well isn't!] and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y [there's a thick line between foreshadowing and incompetence. Guess which side Tara's on]) “Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists.” ["I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn’t die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there’s no way I’m writing that.)" What. The. Fuck? Did he slit them with a cross or a steak? How do you even cut ANYTHING with a steak?!]

Chapter 11.

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid [HINT: It is srupid]!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus [heh... Just you wait and see what these serious issues are. They aren't as serious as the thinks for reasons I shall shortly go into]! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!

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“NO!” I screamed. I was horrorfied! B’loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off [at least she didn't kick her in the shoulder] and I ran to my room crying myself [as opposed to crying someone else]. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way [subtle hint has no subtlety].

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists [that seems rather redundant when one is crying blood. I do, however, know why one slits one's wrists She's doing it wrong]. They got all over my clothes [your wrists?] so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume [listening to that would make me even angrier]. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide [how does one commit suicide with a steak, short of choking on it? Yes, I know what she means, but I'm having far too much fun]. I was so fucking depressed [no shit?]! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly [s-sandly?! lolwut?]. I put on black high heels [yup, we all dress like slags on a Saturday night when our lovers kill themselves] with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn’t fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me [LOL]! And Loopin was masticating to it [EPIC LOL. This gives me a vision of Lupin chewing something with a determined look on his face]! They were sitting on their broomsticks.

“EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS [actually, they're not. This is the 'serious issue'. When we consider that Enoby is meant to be English (god forbid...) in this story, she is over the age of consent for a British citizen, which is 16. Enoby is 17, which means she's fair game. Fair enough, perving's legally dubious, but they're NOT PEDOPHILES. This could have taken Tara less than 5 minutes of research Not everyone is American, dear] OR WHAT!” I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

“Abra Kedavra [fail]!” he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb [uh?!]. I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times [how many clips does she carry?!] and they both started screaming and the camera broke [why are they even using a camera? I thought wizards didn't use muggle gear]. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. “Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO [Darth Vader, when did you get here?]!” he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…

Hargrid ran outside on his broom [he ran on his broom?] and said everyone we need to talk [I'll ignore that].

“What do you know, Hargrid? You’re just a little Hogwarts student [wrong in two ways]!”

“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT….” Hargirid paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST [see what I mean by Tara pulling this out of her arose whenever she needs an excuse for something?]!”

“This cannot be.” Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore’s wand had shot him [Dumblydore didn't shoot him, that was the fairly overzealous Enoby]. “There must be other factors.” [Did... Did something happen that Tara didn't tell us? What's going on?]

“YOU DON’T HAVE ANY!” I yelled in madly.

["ANY WHAT?!" Jack shouted, his face up close to hers.]

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. “The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there [call me an amateur, but you don't declare it in front of everyone]!”

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood [she still remembers what she is. It doesn't last].

“Why are you doing this?” Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. [I really didn't want to know his hands were dirty, thank you very much.]

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him [what?]. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

“BECAUSE…BECAUSE….” Hargid said [what's going on?!] and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. [That would... How would that even work?]
“Because you’re goffic?” Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan. [WHAT?!]

“Because I LOVE HER!” [Not another one. "Not a Mary Sue" my ARSE.]
Chapter 12.

AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo [is he? Is he really? Do the FUCKING research] 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat [1: We're not in America. 2: No they're not] I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn’t really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric [if he turns into Cullen, I'm going to go berserk with an axe] ok!

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I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him [when did he give it to her? Wait, that came out wrong...]. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together [yup, the fic's started to lose what little coherence it had. Get used to my not knowing what's going on].

“NO!” I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid [she forgot about the Caps Lock] but it was Vampire. He started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up [oh noes!]! You could only see his red whites [that seems... Yeah...].

I stopped. “How did u know?”

“I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!” [What the FUCK does that have to do with Enoby slitting her wrists? Seriously.]

“NO!” I ran up closer. “I thought you didn’t have a scar anymore!” I shouted. [Why shout it? Is there really a need?]
“I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation [but chicks dig scars?].” he said back. “Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt [we know!]! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco…………….Volfemort has him bondage!” [Please no Voldemort/Draco yaoi. PLEASE. Wait... Isn't he meant to be dead?]

Anyway I was in the school nurse’s office now recovering from my slit wrists [a 7th year could heal that easily]. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID [why the caps for his name?] were there too. They were going to St. Mango’s after they recovered cause they were pedofiles [no, they're not] and you can’t have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz [oh dear...]. Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked [that sounds painful .And awkward]. I put up my middle finger at them.

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

“Enoby I need to tell u somethnig [sounds like he's been drinking. Can't say I blame him].” he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

“Fuck off.” I told him. “You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway [remember the description of her coffin? It's got a pink lining], and I don’t like fucked up preps like you [I thought he was a SATANITS?].” I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik.

“No Enoby.” Hargrid says. “Those are not roses.”

“What, are they goffs too you poser prep [what?!]?” I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. [Well, red roses ARE more traditional.]

“I saved your life!” He yelled angrily. “No you didn’t I replied.” “You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin.” Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong [yes. And so is everything in that sentence other than 'is']) to it he added silently.

“Whatever!” I yelled angirly. [Whatevah!]

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. “These aren’t roses [yes, you mentioned that. Department of Redundancy Department to Chapter 12, please!].” He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that’s all you haD TO SAY! . [Speech marks? Caps? What's going on?]

“That’s not a spell that’s an MCR song.” I corrected him wisely. [Arrogant bitch.]
“I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes.” Then he screamed. “Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!” [Oh. Dear. God.]

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black [quick, get the Department of Redundancy Department again!]. Now I knew he wasn’t a prep. [Yup, he being a SATANITS wasn't enough for Enoby.]

“OK I believe you now wtf is Drako [it's a misspelled name]?”

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame ["Great balls of fire!"] but I could c nothing.

“U c, Enobby,” Dumblydore said [has he been there the whole time?], watching the two of us watching the flame. “2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES [that's really not good at all] GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?” [I'm sorry, was that meant to be a sentence? What language was it?]
“I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!” Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn’t have a headache or else he would have said something back. [Like 'motherfucker'.]

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. “U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!”

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don’t know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off! [I honestly think everyone's seen The Ring]) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss. [God DAMN these dressing scenes!]

“You look kawai [oh no... Not Fangirl Japanese...], girl.” B’loody Mary said sadly. “Fangs (geddit [ugh...]) you do too.” I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood [how lovely. By the way, the whole Vampire thing? You're doing it wrong]. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn’t spy on me this time [I thought they were in the infirmary?]. I went to some classes [not all of them then]. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures [a new class to teach wizards and witches how to dress the hair of magical creatures]. He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. [So THAT'S what they're there for!]

“Hi.” he said in a depressed way. “Hi back.” I said in an wqually said way. [What a dull conversation I can see coming.]
We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then……… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. [Draco's being kept in bondage by Voldemort, but his girlfriend's busy fucking Harry. Can you say 'slut'? I sure can.]
“STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else. [Yup. Everyone watched them have sex. It's like the porno that never was.]

“Vampire you fucker!” I said slapping him. “Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco [you clearly don't, as you're willingly banging him. Also, what's with the past tense?]!” I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

[And now, dear reader? Now it's time for Groundhog Day.]

Just then he started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

“NO!” I ran up closer.

“I thought you didn’t have a scar anymore!” I shouted.

“I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation.” he said back. “Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco…………….Volfemort has him bondage!”

[/groundhogdayloop]

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SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I [This isn't the last we hear of the titular sweater.]


And now I need more whiskey. Until next time!
Teddy

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The Humble Indie Bundle

What a fucking lovely announcement this is! Yup, the Humble Indie Bundle is upon us once again. I missed the last one as I was in the throes of terrible food poisoning. I was vomiting blood and missed an awesome deal. It was not good.

The concept behind this thing is lovely: there's a bundle of games created by independent developers (hence, Indie), and you can pay whatever the hell you want for all of them. Want to pay a penny? You can damn well pay a penny, and legally own all those lovely games. One thing should stop you for doing that though: it's for charity. This time it's the Child's Play Charity. And we've also got the Electronic Frontier Foundation and the developers themselves. If you bought all those games separately, it'd cost you $84. I'm not sure what that is in real money, so I payed them 50 of my English Pounds and got a warm, fuzzy feeling. Someone donated $666, which was funny.

Do you know what else is nice? It contains Build 24 of Cortex Command, which has been in development for nearly 2 years. A lovely surprise it was for the whole internet.

You've got 6 days left to grab the bargain of the year, so get your arse over to the HIB site and give them some money! You'll own the games forever, with no DRM whatsoever. It's good. Do it. Do it now.

Until next time!
Teddy

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DC: Forbiden Fruit The Tempation Of Edward Cullen Chapt. 2

Bah, it's time for chapter 2 of this badfic! I've got some booze to alleviate the pain.

AN - VINCENT or watever ur name is thanx 4 the LAME reviw [incredibly, you sound surprised]. u totall D*** [if you're GOING to be abusive, at least do it properly. I find it quite amusing that, in a fic with so much sex, the obscures the word 'dick'] no one is MAKIN u reed this fic if you dont like it then leave [you DID ask for people's opinions].

Clestal zodiac and brittany j - thanx for the advice on my character but shes not a marysue [yes she is], she's not "perfect" look she has anger problems and she looks the way she does 4 a reason i will explain it as the story goes on [at least she's trying to justify herself. It's not going very well though].

Chapter 2 - edward

The anger faded form my sapphire eyes

"whatevah" [whatevah!] i said sweatily [how can you say something sweatily?] "I didnt mean to yell and to be ride" [I don't mean to be ride either.]

"thou [oh god, not another one!] are too beuatiful for that" he said, and for once I didnt feel like cockdropping [cockdrop?! Is that like a cunt punt?] the guy for paying me a compilement, instead I just smiled [why would you injure someone for paying you a compliment anyway? Sounds like somebody's a wee ungrateful].

"I'm Ewdard Cullen" he mermered "who are thee [I'll reiterate, why is he talking like this? He was born in the 1900's, not 1500's. Also, Ewdard is a funny name]?"

"Altatntiana Loren but you can call me Tiana or mabye Tiaa [everyone I know would just say 'Tiana Loren', and only give the full hideous name if asked]" i said feeling shy at the way he was looking at me. I had seen THAT look in so many male eyes [and she thinks she's unattractive to plain] but never quite as intense or sexy! His eyes burned like hot gold velvet in the midday sun like peonix feathers and rainbows, so gold and magical [she doesn't think his eye colour is unusual? Because she really should].

"thou reminds me of bygone times [oh god almighty!]" he said, carefully retching out a shaking hand and brushing my cheek "thy face is like an old painting, thou is exceptional""
["Thy face is like an old painting, thou art exceptional", damn it!]

"your not so shanky yourself [eh... Doesn't she find his manner of speech a trifle odd? Especially because it's wrong in three ways!] but i couldn't help noticing you have a fricking GF [great, another one that speaks silly-language], you ass! I saw u with her in the cafeteria!" I notched his hand hard with my long black nails [you carved a notch into them? Sounds painful. Or kinky].

"thee DID notice me then [thou didst]?" he purred with a sly grin. I was up against the wall with his face right close to me now [wait, how did that happen?]. He wanted to sex me [have sex. Not just 'sex'] I could tell, and suddenly he was kissing me [regardless of how much I detest Twilight and bloody vegetarian vampires, Edward wouldn't act like that]! I felt like my slim legs would break in half [that would be amusing] and my heart expanded like a big balloon [did it burst out of your chest with a wet pop? Did you then die painfully?]. I fell his hand sliding softly down my neck an underneath my top [think about what he's supposed to be for a minute. He's a vampire. With that fact in mind, where do you think his hand would stop? I'll give you a clue: he'd stop before he reached her tits]. He stoked my breasts [sounds painful. That's a very unfortunate typo] for a few minutes and his man-carrot [o.0] standing in action and hard as a rock against my legs [man-carrot! Hahahahaha!]. And then he ripped my top and pulled it of me and doped it [I'll ignore that] on the floor. We made out for 10 minutes [you'd think their mouths'd get tired. I can only assume they're very used to it, and that has very unfortunate connotations] and then he tried to take of my bra but I pushed him away suddenly thinking WTF Tiaa are you just gonna let this total stranger take your cloths off in school where anyone could see you [you already have]? I'd never let a guy kiss me before or touch me [well, that's probably all of your sexual tension then, dear] and suddenly I was letting this cheating sicko with a FRICKIN GF grope me just cause he was uber hawt [he's hawt. We get it already] with sexoy hair and cold as death [being cold as death isn't really a reason]! I was acting like a biatch and a slut and I was suddenly very ashamed of my actions [+1 for appealing to my morality at least].

-BASTARD! Never touch me again!" i gapsed

"If thou thinks thou can keep thou hands of me!" he answered all smug, [I'm sorry, is this supposed to be Edward?] and I couldn't believe how he made me feel so angry and so aroosed at the same time. At that moment I'd never HATED anyboy more in my whole life and the worst part of it was he was SO FREAKIN HAWT [ugh...] I was totally creaming my panties ["and I jizzed in my pants"] and he NEW it, this was horible! I felt disguised with myself [who are you disguised as?] and turned to leave.

"Wait! I need to speck to thee! I no your secret tiaa"he said in a quiet voce gassing into my eyes "your one of my kind [does she sparkle?] . who made thee [the term is 'sired', but we won't quibble over terms]?are you part of a coven or on thou own ["thy own"!]?

"what-is said sharply -dude your insane [I'm sorry, that makes no sense]! And you freakin SMELL [how very childish]! (he didnt really smell but I didnt no what else to say!)

"thy a CAMPIRE [hahaha!] tia! a VAMPIRE [I thought she was a Campire?]! BUT WHY CAN'T I READ THOU MIND [because she's a Campire? I've no idea if he can in the canon though]? I THOUGHT BELLA WAS THE ONLY ONE BUT HERE THOU ARE! WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEEEEAN [Jesus, get over it!]!"

He punched the wall with his buckly fist and shouted suddenly furious and his eyes flickered red [can they do that in the canon? I've no idea]. I schlepped him hard across the face [o.0] and tried to leave but he caught my waste [how disgusting] and as I struggled and tried to hit him again he caught my hand in mid air and hammed me against the wall [you shouldn't be doing that while fighting!] where his hand had already made a huge dint in the wall [I've punched a wall so hard that I've left a dint in it. It's not exactly difficult]. His face was blunt and right heavy in mine. My knee came up hard against his massive throbbing gigglestick [Teddy snorted in laughter] between his legs and he drubbed over in pan [uh?]. I broke free and goaded my books and started rugging away [yeah, you rug away, Tiana] to math, but edward hand finished with me [his hand finished you? That's a rather kinky fight].

"TIAAAAAAAAAAA NOOOOOOOOO!"he screamed after me tearing his shrit of himself in fury and throwing it over my eyes [good shot! It's also an inventive use of a shirt]. I lost my sight [must be powerful if it blinded her] and was behind me breathing into my ears [this sentence reads as if she was behind herself breathing into her own ears].

"i'm sorry tiaa" he wimpered sadly picking me up off the floor and gazing mutely into my eyes "i didnt mean to rut thee! I'm so contemptuos! I APOLOGIZE! THIS IS JUST SO WEIRD!" [Not half as weird as you are, sir.]

"YOUR so frickin weird you mean [true dat. Minus that irritating mistake with 'your']!" I snaped [when did Snape get here?] whitely as he lay on the floor so hawt and crying with his shirt off with his pippling body [are crying men supposed to be hawt?]. I wanted to forgive him for calling me a vampire(VAMPIRE! I'd heard that one before from preppy losers asking if I sleep in a coffin and suck blood like LETSAT [wow, an Anne Rice reference. I'm impressed. Also, Lestat could kill those two in less than a minute. The rest of the Cullens, too. Bloody neighborhood-friendly vampires...] just cause I like eyeliner and listen to Linken Park)and making fun of me and trying to force me against the wall and maybe plunder my crevises [plunder her crevices? Speak plainly, woman!] but i didnt. I left him crying on the floor and went to find my class [coup de grace does not exist in fanfic land. Also, how has no-one noticed any of this?!]. As I entered math class i suddenly droped my bocks again as a flashing pain burned in my left hand as my brithmark glinted gold for a second (NO JOKE!)then I fell over. The pain was suddenly gone and some weirdo blond freak [slightly harsh] called Eric was helping me up and staring at me like a pervo rapist. I kicked him in the sholder [so he's being nice and helping you up, and you respond by KICKING HIM IN THE SHOULDER?! When I finally write Greed, I think I'll have Banwyn kill someone called Tiana, just so I can alleviate my growing hatred of her. Seriously, where's the fucking rationale?] (kung fu babie!)as he gazed longingly after me. In his frickin dreams. I sat down at the back of the class unable to think about anythin but my weird enconter with edward cullen, wondering what it all could mean [it means he's crazy and you're a slag].

AN what do u think PLEASE R n R [it's shit and Tiana's a violent Mary Sue]?.BIG SHoutout 2 my friend abigail gud luk for 2moro!)did u see i put the man-carrot thing in! [I... Words fail me]) LMAO! Also love 2 tiffi & rach(and zaccibaby of corse!) LOVE U GUYZ SO MUCH!X X X beckymac x x



If someone helped you up from the floor (bearing in mind that it was your own fault you were there), would you respond by kicking said person in the shoulder? I'm starting to hate Tiana.

Until next time!
Teddy

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Teddy's Recipe For Simple Savory Flan

Indubitably, dear reader! I often make myself flan for tea, especially if there's no-one else in the house. Mainly because it's exceptionally quick and easy. And it also tastes good!

First up, there's a little debate as to what a flan actually is. The answer is simple: there are two types of flan. Savory and sweet. The kind I make includes ham and cottage cheese, which is therefore savory. The sweet version is the traditional custard/caramel pudding. The thing I make is very similar to quiche. But it isn't quiche, trust me. If you really want to call it that though, by all means do.

Ingredients:
2 eggs
100 ml milk (any variety will do. Not human milk though.)
1 tablespoon of flour
A tub of cottage cheese (you can use as much as you want, but I tend to put an entire tub in.)
1 spring onion/1 sausage (you can put either of these in. I tend to use sausage because I find all varieties of onions repulsive. You're welcome to use one if you wish though.)
1 pack of ham

You will also need:
A small pie/pastry dish (the flan will fill the dish, so choose the size appropriately.)
A fork and knife
A small dish with high sides (you'll be mixing something in this, but it won't be much.)
A larger dish, suitable for beating eggs in (the entire mixture'll be going in this,  so make sure it's fairly large.)
An oven, preheated to 200 degrees c.

Instructions:
1, Line the pastry dish with your ham. Try and use it all: you don't want any gaps. Try and have the ham at the edges hanging over, as you'll be folding it before you pop it in the oven.

1, Crack the eggs into the large dish. Don't get any shell in! I hold the egg in my fist with a gap between my third and fourth fingers, and crack the egg hard in that gap. Try that if you usually have trouble.

2, Grab your fork and beat those eggs into a smooth yellow liquid.

3, But the flour into the smaller dish. Pour the milk onto it and mix it together with your fork. Once you've got a gloopy, thick liquid, stop. Do this quick, as that stuff can go... funny if you leave it.

4, Pour that gloop you just made into the larger dish and beat it together with the eggs.

5, Dice your spring onion/sausage. Be careful if you're using an onion. We all know what they do to your eyes. Wash your hands immediately when you're done with it. Whatever you do, don't touch your eyes!

6, Pop the diced onion/sausage into the large dish. grab your tub of cottage cheese and empty that into the dish as well (Put in a fair bit, if not the whole thing. Trust me, you want a lot in there, if only so you don't end up with an inedible mess.

7, Mix everything in that dish together. You want it so it looks perfectly blended. You want the egg mixed with the cheese to help the thing bind together.

8, Is it all mixed? Good. Pour it into the pastry dish, then fold the edges of the ham down over the mixture. You did leave some hanging out over the edges before, didn't you?

9, With all that done, pop it into the oven. If you increased any of the measurements, it may need to stay in longer. if you used the same measurements as me, keep it in for 15-20 minutes at 200 degrees c. Keep checking on it to see how it's doing. Don't worry if some of the ham burns on top, just take it as a sign that it's either done or nearly done. What the mixture gets a nice golden-brown crust, it's done. So take it out!


With all that done, I hope you enjoy! You can also do this for parties, just increase all the measurements. It's really quick, simple and filling, I find. If you have any questions, drop me a comment or email at the usual address. Enjoy!

Until next time!
Teddy

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DC: Forbiden Fruit The Tempation Of Edward Cullen Chapt. 1

Good god, I'm going to have to find a way of shortening that title. I'll let TV Tropes speak for this one, because My Immortal has sapped my energy. But DON'T CLICK THE LINKS! Seriously, you can lose days on that site.

"Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation Of Edward Cullen—note the spelling mistakes in the title—is a Twilight fanfic written by one 'BeckyMac666', who is widely believed to be Tara in disguise. It's the story of Atlantiana Rebekah Loren, commonly called "Tiana" or "Tiaa", who moves to Forks, Washington, to live with her new foster parents. Tiana is antisocial and psychologically damaged due to a traumatic childhood, which doesn't help when added to her beauty and her first day of school, when she meets Edward "Ewdard" Cullen, who believes she is a vampire. It just goes downhill from there."

It's also got it's own drinking game! Which is always nice, as if anything can make terrible fanfics more bearable, it's lots and lots of booze. It's got longer chapters than My Immortal and also has superior spelling. Ish. Without further ado, let's begin.

AN hey guys this is the new improved verson of my story, hope its better this time! [I don't want to know what the old one looked like] btw i am young and have dyslexia i find spellin [I know several dyslexics, and they manage perfectly OK] hard but its meant2 be unformal ok [I really wish a law would be passed that makes it a requirement that all storytelling be formal]! no critisism pls [it's shit. OOPS]! tis story goes out 2 my bf zac(kisses!) amd my besfreind Tiffi LOVE YA GRRRL! EDWARD IS OUR GODD!(we wanna SEX him gud [yup, I'm just gonna ignore that. The Twilight fandom makes me feel ill]!) x x x x x x x love &blood becky mac! xxx x x xx

UPDATE: I have a proofreader [blatant lies are blatant lies] and I have cleaned up the spelling and grammer on this chaptor a hell of a lot as you will see (thank u vickie!) i will be imrpoving the next chaptors soon.

Chapter 1 - Altantiana

Hey, my names Atlantiana Rebekah Loren (but everyone calls me Tiana or just plain Tiaa [I'm not surprised. What kind of a name is that anyway?]). I am a 16 year old girl and I live in Forks, Washington! My hair is long and pale like spun gold and skims to my waist like a pale shimmering amber mist. My eyes are deep forgetminot [it's not one word] blue and my delicate fentures are lilly white and pure as the winter snow in moonlight [I quite like that phrase actually]. I've been told by loads of sleazy, ugly, HORNY [because HORNY must be spelled in all caps] guys that I'm real pretty and look like a model or a bunny girl (some of the guys who like me are really old and try to make opt with me its disgusting and weird! [well, an old guy trying to make out with a 16 year-old is pretty sick, so +1 for effort])but basically a lot of the girls I meet tell a different story [naturally, because we all know how stereotypically girls bitch about each other]. They say I'm too ivory white and ethereal [teenagers say you're ethereal?! I'd have thought that hardly any of them even know what it means] and too skinny and that I look anorexic which i don't care about, but I think its seriously disrespectful to people with REAL eating disorders (btw i'm so totally not anorexic! I eat loads I just never gain weight and I'm not thin enough to be anorexic anyways [irony!], I think they were just being BIATCHES especially this one ratty brain called Ellie Mayfair who I hope freaking DIES in PAIN with SHIT ON HER FACE [o.0]! Sorry, I'm not really such a batch but she is SO horrible if you met her you'd think the same! [please don't hijack my mind, thank you])

Anyways I am quite tall and slim and but with really big boobs [it's a well known fact that most girls are very modest about their chesticles. It is a well known fact that pre-pubescent boys are obsessed with enormous tits. I, therefore, must conclude that the writer may be a pre-pubescent boy. Which puts an unfortunate spun on the rest of this epic tale] that I used to HATE because they look noticeable on my slender body and draw to much attention but now i like them and don't care who stares at me [amazing how people change]! I have a lip ring [yuck] and recently put black and indigo and magenta streaks in my long pale blond hair [pale blonde hair's rare enough as it is, but you just HAD to ruin it, didn't you?]. I smell like mint and cinnamon [in all my many years of reading, I've never known the protagonist to describe what he or she usually smells like]. I wear mostly black and hot pink, deep purple and neon blue and listen to COOL music [she's a goth, isn't she? Fucking hell, not another one!]!

It is my first day at school in forks as I just moved here to live with new foster parents Dave and Marie. They are nice and all very hole some [an unfortunate space, there] sweet people but it is not like having a real family. I've been hurt to many times to let people close [I'll bet we all know who ends up getting close to her] to me and I don't talk to them very much. My real mom died when I was born and I never knew my real dad. I sometimes wonder what he is like and if I will ever get to met him [he lives in a pineapple under the sea. You'll get to meet him when Tony Soprano kills you and throws your weighted corpse overboard. There, I've managed two crossovers. I wonder how many the author makes?]. Dave gave me a ride to school and I smiled faintly as he wished me good luck and I got out of the car and went into the school. Loads of people freaking stared at me [feel teh reag] as I walked down the hall. I was wearing tight black leather pants with silver chains at the waste and a red fishnet-like top and you could see my black lacy bra through it [what is it with goths and dressing like sluts? Although Tiana dresses kinkier than Enoby. Can you say dominatrix? I sure can!]. I ignored whispers and the big pink cheerleader imbosils pointing at me. I was used to it and I paid no at-tension [a real dyslexic wouldn't make that mistake. You fail, miss] to the guys asking desperately for my number(like hell I'd even LOOK at the horny little donkeys! [I'll be honest, that made me smile. At least she's discerning. Well, ish]) and told a ditsy blond cheerleader called Jessica to STFU(!) when she called me a freak [I'd have reacted more aggressively, so +1 for restraint]! Next time she tries anything I'll hit her in the eye cause NO ONE messes with me nemore [there again...]! My first day I was relay board, I sat gazing out of the window into the gray cloud-embittered sky for most of the morning, My teachers all looked at me disprovable but said nothing cause they probably new I was a foster kid and a Gothic and didn't want to upset me in case I cut them up as they slept [do goths normally do that? Also, the spelling mistakes are starting to be painful],.

My ears are pierced four times [deja vu!], I have a tattoo of a scorpion(like S my birth-sign!) on my ankle and a Gothic cross on my shoulder [I've never understood why people get tats. I find them disgusting. Bah, personal taste], and on my hand i have a weird birthmark in the shape of a seven-pointed star that I've had all my life. Your probably wandering why I'm bothering to tell you this [yup], well I tell you now I am no ordinary sixteen year old girl [oh god...]. I have a secret, a dark and forbidden secret witch I am only just beginning to understand. When I sleep I hear whispers in another language and even though I understand them at the time, when I wake up i can't remember it! I also see weird faces in my dreams that fade to nothingness when I open my eyes and I swear out the corner of my eye my birthmark glows shocking bright gold and gets relay hot sometimes but when I look properly it is back to normal boarding scar-color! I am really gracefull like the running anti-lopes when I run very fast and am stronger and faster than most people. I used to just think i was relay athletic but now I'm not so sure, I think there might be something else at work, something so much more mysterious and eeire. The truth hovers so softly on the brink of my memory sometimes but if only i could remember the weird things that clung to the edge of my mind as I slept [it was going so well! But now... Now we know we are dealing with another Mary Sue]!

At lunch I sat alone in the corner and scanned the cafeteria quietly with my eyes smoldering dark blue beheath my long black lashes [they're burning your eyelashes? You should see a doctor] and my slim thighs curled under me. It was the n I noticed an unbelievably jaw-droopingly hawt HAWT HAAAAAAAAWT [is he 'hawt', by any chance?] dude with tusseted blondey-brown hair, golden yellow eyes like wells of hot caramel and pale sexy features. He was tall and mussel and looked like he was wearing eyeliner and my body got hot and cold all at once as I looked at him [and every Twilight fangirl thinks the same. I don't see it myself, but that might be something to do with being a straight man who prefers traditional vampire tales]. I'd never felt this way about anyone before and I'd totally never felt this weird feeling that I'd met someone before but I had no idea where [it's probably in your dreams, dear. I'm afraid the art of subtle storytelling is lost to this writer too. In fact, she may be Tara, god forbid she's still alive] and i knew it was impassible because I'd freaking remember someone THAT hawt [he's 'hawt'? Funny, you didn't mention it]! A girl sat next to him with long brown hair with her arms dripped over him like a freaking flesh-eating plant [I find this description of Bella pretty funny. At least this writer can make me laugh] so i thought well whatevah, hes taken. She wasn't nearly as hawt as he was, she wasn't ugly though [while most of her human peers in the canon say she's pretty plain. A refreshing change, I suppose. At the same time, I honestly couldn't care less]. I figured I was maybe prettier then her [naturally. She's a Mary Sue for chrissakes!]. I never really saw myself as beautiful but i'd guessed from thinks others had said, plus this girl wasn't great looking but anyways I'd never try to pilch with another girls' BF cause thats just low [true dat. +1 for being decent]. So I got up to leave the hall thinking I'd go and smoke some bald drugs [do they make your hair fall out?] in the locker room while no one was there. As I waked over to he exit I couldn't help but notice the hawt pale guys musky eyes as they met mine. I locked away hurriedly [and now she can only be opened with the proper key]. I smocked dope in the locker room for a bit then I wondered to my next class [didn't you feel anything? Because you're supposed to]. I bumped into someone in the corridor and my bocks fell everywhere! FRICK! FRICK! FRIIIICKK!

[It was Jack Bauer. He was not amused.]

"WTF!" I screamed loudly, "watch where your FREAKING going you asshole!" (i have anger problems [if you had anger problems, you'd say 'fuck' and probably throw 'cunt' in there somewhere])

"I'm so so sorry" he said in a voice like wet heaven "please forgive me my lady [he's not from the 19th century you know]"

It was the hawt pale guy! [No shit!]

Ugh, now I feel as if my IQ's been drained. But it gets worse, dear reader, far worse.

Until next time!

Teddy

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DC: My Immortal Chapt. 7, 8, & 9

T-t-t-triple bill! This may be an exceedingly bad idea, but we'll see how I do. Oh dear...

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life [well, I suppose there's something to be said for trying to give a chapter a name. Not for failing horribly at it though. Does it have anything to do with what happens in this chapter? No. Of course it doesn't!]

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws [even God is enjoying this trainwreck]. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons [lolwut?]! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn’t a Marie Sue ok she isn’t perfect SHES A SATANITS [I think she's completely missing the point]! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake [when one is depressed, one has other things on one's mind than banging Draco Malfoy]!

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[look at that line above. See anything wrong with it? How is it POSSIBLE to make that mistake?!]

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u? [funnily enough, one characteristic of a Mary Sue is that she regularly goes to unreasonable lengths to describe what she's wearing. So yes, yes it does]). I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco [this is certainly not going to become a plot point in a few lines, oh no, sir!]. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…………

We started frenching passively [how is it possible to 'french' passively?! Who even uses that word?!] and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top [maybe what lurks underneath her slutty attire feels a lot better than it looks]. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy’s thingy in mine [she's got a 'boy's thingy'? Dear lord...] and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid? [very])

“Oh Draco, Draco!” I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco’s arm [I can not begin to say how many things are wrong with that sentence]. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words………… Vampire [and there we have it! A seemingly innocent statement got turned into a plot point in record time. This fic is terrible]!

I was so angry.

“You bastard!” I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed [we later discover that she believes "bi guiz r so hawt." Bloody hypocrite].

“No! No! But you don’t understand!” Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

“No, you fucking idiot!” I shouted. “You probably have AIDs anyway! [buuuuuuuurned. Although, to be fair, Enoby's probably picked up every STD in existence by now, if the frequency of her bonking and her dress sense are anything to go by]”

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked [considering it most have taken Enoby ages to get dressed, I've no idea why Draco couldn't have]. He had a really big you-know-what [I find that hard to believe] but I was too mad to care [I find that hard to believe too]. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire’s classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

“VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” I yelled [someone's getting detention!].

Chapter 8.

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a prep! [But flassing keeps your teeth nice!]

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Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back [I'm surprised their gaze didn't shift to Draco when he came in with his really big you-know-what. Which one are you less likely to find running into your class, a swearing goth girl, or a naked 17 year-old goth boy?].

“Ebony, it’s not what you think!” Draco screamed sadly [for some reason I've got flashbacks of that episode of the IT Crowd when Douglas ran into Denholm's funeral and pumped his arm while shouting "Faaatheeeer!" No idea why, but it does make me smile].

My friend B’loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly [oh no, another one]. She flipped her long waste-length [typo victory] gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes [she... smiled at you before she opened her eyes?] like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione [Teddy vomits blood and dies] was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires [never mind that vampires are not supposed be be able to naturally sire children. I blame Twilight] and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed [so am I after reading this]. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor [yup, no Satanists are allowed in 'Griffindoor'])

“What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!” Snape [Snape does not speak like that] demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him [she is so getting a detention].

“Vampire, I can’t believe you cheated on me with Draco!” I shouted at him [if they had sex before Enoby and Draco got together, that's NOT cheating. Fool].

Everyone gasped.

I don’t know why Ebony was so mad at me [inexplicable POV shift!]. I had went out with Vampire (I’m bi and so is Ebony [and yet we never see Enoby indulging in sappho]) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker [remember this name for later]. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep. ["prEpz r teh sux0rz lol!11!1"])

“But I’m not going out with Draco anymore!” said Vampire.

“Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!” I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility [...virility? Uh...] to Draco [wait... I refuse to believe that was her first time! Look at how she dresses and acts!] and then I started to bust into tears.

Chapter 9.

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox [that's obvious]! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers [Dumbledore doesn't swear in any of the films either?]! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist [he doesn't particularly like him anyway! Religious conflict has nothing to do with it. Also, why does everyone seem to be a Satanist? I think that's the card Tara plays when she can't think of a real reason for something. Look at some of the contexts it's used in later on]! MCR ROX [no they don't]!

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I was so mad and sad. I couldn’t believe Draco for cheating on me [but he didn't! He had another partner before you, so what?]. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco [can't you say something sensible like 'made love' or 'had sex'? These euphemisms are getting tiresome].

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible ['an' should be used before a word that begins with a vowel. I know most Americans drop the 'h' off 'herbs', producing a sound that makes me want to kill, but they don't drop it from 'horrible'] man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn’t have a nose [yes, you mentioned that] (basically like Voldemort [thanks for spoiling it before his 'big reveal'!] in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn’t gothic [when Voldemort is the single most gothic living character in the Canon]. It was…… Voldemort [yes, you spoiled that for us, I'm afraid]!

“No!” I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted “Imperius!” and I couldn’t run away.

“Crookshanks!” I shouted at him [Teddy blinks dumbfoundedly. Crookshanks is the name of Hermione's cat. Cats are not spells]. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream [I doubt Voldemort would be vulnerable to the cruciatus curse, which I believe is what Tara meant]. I felt bad for him even though I’m a sadist so I stopped [yup, screw a good old fashioned coup-de-grace. Not only do you have You Know Who at your mercy, but you're also a sadist. And you feel sorry for him?!].

“Ebony.” he yelled. “Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" [Why does he speak like that?!This fic makes no sense!]

I thought about Vampire and his sexah [sexah!] eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn’t understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? [You're choosing NOW to think about this?]
“No, Voldemort!” I shouted back [well, she's not afraid of saying his name].

Voldemort gave me a gun [a... gun? Actually, I've always wondered how a Potterverse wizard'd react to a gunshot wound]. “No! Please!” I begged.

“Thou must!” he yelled. “If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!”

[Wait... If Voldemort is there, inside the school grounds, why doesn't he just waltz up to Harry and kill him himself?]

“How did you know?” I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face [I think that's the same face I pulled when I read this. Also, one shouldn't use such language when referring to the actions of the Dark Lord fer chrissakes!]. “I hath telekinesis.” he answered cruelly [and being able to move objects with your mind automatically gives you telepathy too?]. “And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco! [he's also not very good at speaking like that]” he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn’t know what to do [kill Harry? His actions later on suggest he wants to die. And besides, this iteration of him richly deserves it. Just you see how he acts]. Suddenly Draco came into the woods [how convenient].

“Draco!” I said. “Hi!”

[Oh, she seems to have forgiven him for having sex with Harry while they weren't together.]

“Hi.” he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit [I don't think you've yet told us that you can't say 'cross'. Even so, that's a terrible joke]) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way [oh god...].

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“No.” he answered.

“I’m sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me.” I expelled [you... expelled? And he DIDN'T CHEAT ON YOU!].

“That’s okay.” he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out [I dislike the rationale, inasmuch as it doesn't exist].


I... I think I hate this story. But until next time!
Teddy

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Talkie Time

Wherein I babble incomprehensibly about stuff! Because it's frankly been far too long and Dramatic Commentaries are no real substitution. Or lists. I'm trying not to think about lists...

First, an update on the status of my little corner of the interwebs. That's this place if you're not keeping up. Although to be fair, I do have several maintained accounts on various websites... But I digress! The Man With Stuff has finally reached the stage where it's getting daily views from all over the world. My sources tell my I'm somehow quite big in the Americas with people that run Internet Explorer and Firefox. I've also somehow got readers in Denmark, which is always nice. My total views are at 571, which I am chuffed to bits about, especially since I've not been babbling for long! So yeah, chuffed on that!

In other news, I'm disappointed in the current lack of news on the telly. I remarked several times during the news a few hours ago that there just seems to be trivia on. The only thing approaching real news was when the newsreader merrily informed me of a gas explosion at a house in Leeds.  What followed after that was what felt like hours of bellydancers, football, and Santas having a race in Lincoln. It was terrible and I nearly lost the will to live.Indeed, I'm nearly losing the will to live just by writing about it.

Moving on, we now have a brand spanking new bathroom in the house! It's very snazzy and chromey. And there's an enormous radiator/towel rail which is the most wonderful thing that's ever been installed in this house. Es ist gut, ja? Ja! On the flip side, the paint fumes are starting to affect my mind. As in, I am feeling very bleh. On the other flip side, the house is nearly ready to put onto the market! So that we can move around the corner. No really. Well, it's technically around the corner and about a mile up the road, but it's a lovely area, truly lovely. So here's hoping for that!

The snow's making things difficult. Or should I say, it WAS. For those unaware, Britain just had it's most awesome winter for 80 years, and stuff got well and truly buried as the country drove to an utter and complete halt. It didn't really effect me, as I'm within walking distance of everywhere I need to go. My family was worse affected, as they both need to drive to get to where they need to be. It's melting now, so sadface to that. I was kind of enjoying the utter chaos it was causing. Plus it felt Christmassy. Bah, here's hoping for a white Christmas anyway!

Until next time, that's all for this brief update!
Teddy

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