Thursday, 7 April 2011

DC: StarKis Prophecy Chapt. 1 & 2

I've just 'read' (if you can call it that) this intrepid tale of.... Actually, I'm not sure what. It just seems to be a load of words, letters, and numbers jumbled together in a rather mish-mash manner. This was brought to my attention by a kindly reader, SharpFang. I'd like to encourage more of that, dear reader.

It's a Warrior Cats fanfiction, and it's worth saying at this point that I know nothing about the canon. Thus, I am armed with the wiki, TV Tropes, and far too much time on my hands. It's possibly a trollfic, but no-one really seems to know for sure. If it isn't, it's really quite scary. Would you like to read the summary, dear reader?

"Im repotsing this becus it got deletd. Its about starKit shes gong to save the frost from the evil holLy and tigger."
That is what we're dealing with, dear reader. Right, let's get cracking!

['Chapter' 1. You'll see the reason for those sarcasm marks in a minute.]

ok so im finaly uploding this agan [it's like a drunk Tara]!1!1! the men peopls [evil men peopls] at fanfictnet delted my stroy :(((((( [SADFACE, apparently. Or possibly it's got many chins] but its bak now [no shit, Sherlock. Incidentally, I watched the recent modern adaptation of Sherlock Holmes (entitled, simply, Sherlock) last night. I highly enjoyed it and I encourage you to give it a watch, dear reader, especially if you like Sherlock Holmes]. i had al the chpaters savd and now im justs repoting them [someone's definitely had too much to drink]. theit is a new chpaeter its at the end its calld shrekieng. [No it isn't. Seriously, there's not a chapter anywhere in this tale called anything even remotely like that.]
but heres the rets of the stoyr.
ok so like i said this iks my first story be nice plz [You're far too late.]
btw its set afte rsunset so [So it's after the sixth volume in the second series. It might have been a good idea to state when this takes place in the summary. Like a normal person.]
Leader: Firestar - ginger tom with a flame-colored pelt [So he's two colours at once? Even though they're very similar colours. But... Yeah.]
Deputy: Brambleclaw - dark brown tabby tom with amber eyes
Medicine Cat: JayFeather-gray tom
Squirrelflight - dark ginger she-cat with green eyes
Apprentice, Foxpaw
Dustpelt - dark brown tabby tom
Sandstorm - pale ginger she-ca
Cloudtail - long-haired white tom
Apprentice DaisyPaw - cream long-furred cat from the horseplace [I was very nearly going to write a snarky comment there, but it turns out the Horseplace exists in canon.]
Brackenfur - golden brown tabby tom
Sorreltail - tortoiseshell-and-white she-cat with amber eyes
Thornclaw - golden brown tabby tom
Brightheart - white she-cat with ginger patches
Spiderleg - long-limbed black tom with brown underbelly and amber eyes
Whitewing - white she-cat with green eyes
Apprentice, Icepaw [Obviously not important enough to have a gender or colour.]
Birchfall - light brown tabby tom
Graystripe - long-haired gray tom
Berrynose - cream-colored tom
Hazeltail - small gray-and-white she-cat
Mousewhisker - gray-and-white tom
Cinderheart - gray tabby she-cat
Poppyfrost - tortoiseshell she-cat
Honeyfern- light brown tabby she-cat
Lionblaze - golden tabby tom
Hollyleaf - black she-cat
FoxHeart-reddish tabby tom
IceFire-white she cat
ToadRibbit-black—and-white tom
RoseFlame-dark cream she cat
BriarStorm-dark brown she cat
BumbleFlower-very pale gray tom with black stipes
BlossomWind-pale brown she cat iwth a dark stripe along her spine
Fox DaisyPaw - cream long-furred cat from the horseplace [Capital letter for the name of a place. Did they teach you nothing in school?]
FlamePaw-firecolored she cat with one grnee [Ollie, my dog, once made a noise like that] eye one blue eye
LakePaw-bright blue gray she cat with blue eyes
The last 2 r starKits siters [Really. How utterly engrossing.]
JazzPaw-red she cat with blue eyes and a black tail [Red, or ginger? Because I've never seen a red cat.]
Ferncloud - pale gray (with darker flecks) she-cat with green eyes mother of Dustpelts kits
Dawnsparkle-bright tortishell she cat with garguntan blue eye's mother of Jayfeathers' ktis [what], formaly of Shadowclan
StarKit-graysh-blue-and purple she cat with molting orange eyes and a white star on her forhaed [This one's the Sue. You probably guessed that by now. Every badfic must have one.]
Longtail - pale tabby tom with dark black stripes, retired early due to failing sight
Mousefur - small dusky brown she-cat
Weaslepelt-big red tabby he cat with bight yellow eyes (hes Rowanclaw's dad, he came to Thunderclan when Dawn- did0 [Nothing about that in the wiki, so I'm going to assume the writer's making it up. Naughty writer.]
LeafPool-brown tabby she cat
Leader: Blackstar - large white tom with huge jet-black paws
Deputy: Russetfur - dark ginger she-cat
Medicine Cat: Littlecloud - very small tabby tom
Apprentice, Flamepaw (ginger tom) [Whoah now, why has the format suddenly changed?]
Oakfur - small brown tom [It's changed back now.]
Apprentice, Tigerpaw (dark brown tabby tom) [Maybe not.]
Rowanclaw - ginger tom [This is getting ridiculous.]
Smokefoot - black tom
Apprentice, Owlpaw (light brown tabby tom) [The horror.]
Ivytail - black, white and tortoiseshell she-cat
Apprentice, Dawnpaw (cream-furred she-cat)
Toadfoot - dark brown tom
Crowfrost - black-and-white tom
Apprentice, Olivepaw (tortoiseshell she-cat)
Kinkfur - tabby she-cat, with long fur that sticks out at all angles
Ratscar - brown tom with long scar across his back
Apprentice, Shrewpaw (gray she-cat with black feet)
Snaketail - dark brown tabby tom with striped tail
Apprentice, Scorchpaw (dark gray tom)
Whitewater - white she-cat with long fur, blind in one eye
Apprentice, Redpaw (mottled brown and ginger tom)
Tawnypelt - tortoiseshell she-cat with green eyes
Flamewind- flame color tabby tom with green eye's
Tigerclaw-huge dark brown tabby tom with long claw's [what does the claw own?] and amber eys
DawnFeather-cream tabby she cat (shes a different cant then the one in tC ok?) [Ok. She's a different cant. What's a 'cant'?]
OlivePaw-bright brown she cat
Snowbird - pure white she-cat
Cedarheart - dark gray tom
Tallpoppy - long-legged light brown she-cat
Leader: Onestar - brown tabby tom
Deputy: Ashfoot - gray she-cat
Medicine Cat: Barkface - short-tailed brown tom
Apprentice, Kestrelpaw (mottled gray tom)
Tornear - tabby tom
Crowfeather - dark gray tom
Owlwhisker - light brown tabby tom
Whitetail - small white she-cat
Nightcloud - black she-cat
Gorsetail - very pale gray-and-white cat with blue eyes
Weaselfur - ginger tom with white paws
Harespring - brown-and-white tom
Leaftail - dark tabby tom, amber eyes
Apprentice, Thistlepaw (long-haired white tom)
Dewspots - spotted gray she-cat
Apprentice, Sedgepaw (light brown tabby she-cat)
Willowclaw - gray she-cat
Apprentice, Swallowpaw (dark gray she-cat)
Antpelt - brown tom with one black ear
Emberfoot - gray tom with two dark paws
Apprentice, Sunpaw (tortoiseshell she-cat with large white mark on her forehead)
Heathertail - light brown tabby she-cat with blue eyes
Breezepelt - black tom with amber eyes
Morningflower - very old tortoiseshell queen
Webfoot - dark gray tabby tom
Leader: Leopardstar - unusually spotted golden tabby she-cat
Deputy: Mistyfoot - gray she-cat with blue eyes
Medicine Cat: Mothwing - dappled golden she-cat [She's solid gold. Bless.]
Apprentice, Willowshine (gray tabby she-cat)
Blackclaw - smoky-black tom
Voletooth - small brown tabby tom
Apprentice, Minnowpaw (dark gray she-cat)
Reedwhisker - black tom
Mosspelt - tortoiseshell she-cat with blue eyes
Apprentice, Pebblepaw (mottled gray tom)
Beechfur - light brown tom
Rippletail - dark gray tabby tom
Apprentice, Mallowpaw (light brown tabby tom)
Graymist - pale gray tabby
Dawnflower - pale gray she-cat
Dapplenose - mottled gray she-cat
Pouncetail - ginger-and-white tom
Mintfur - light gray tabby tom
Apprentice, Nettlepaw (dark brown tabby tom)
Otterheart - dark brown she-cat
Apprentice, Sneezepaw (gray-and-white tom)
Pinefur - very short-haired tabby she-cat
Apprentice, Robinpaw (tortoiseshell-and-white tom)
Rainstorm - mottled gray-blue tom
Duskfur - brown tabby she-cat
Apprentice, Copperpaw (dark ginger she-cat)
Icewing - white cat with green eyes, mother of Beetlekit, Pricklekit, Petalkit, and Grasskit
Heavystep - thickset tabby tom
Swallowtail - dark tabby she-cat
Stonestream - gray tom

[Hardly any of these characters are going to appear, are they? Y'know, I'd have much preferred them to be introduced in the actual story, rather than lumped and grouped in the first 'chapter'. And now for 'Chapter' 2. If one could call it a chapter.]

The cats gathered around a pool [mmm, detail...]. They all looked into it eagerly [more detail]. A dark shape appeared on the surface [yet more detail. If you can not feel my sarcasm, I pity you]. A blue she cat looked up [I've never seen a blue cat. I'm not sure they exist unless you actually paint a poor kitty blue]. Her eyes were bright. [Like.... Stars! I see what I did there.]
"There is a prophecy [prophecies are a dime a dozen in fanfic land. I do wish they'd come up with some different plots. Of course, prophecies seem to play a large part in the Warrior Cats canon too, so make of that what you will.]!" She said. "out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly." [ORLY?]
"Its about StarKit [obviously]!" A white tom said [he's obviously not important enough to have a name]. "Shes going to save the forest [really. You do intrigue me]," He looked at a gold tom by BlueStar. "she has powers nobody dreamed of [oh bloody hell. Maybe she can shoot lightning from her eyes and her meow can make grown men bleed]." Said the gold tom. "Should we tell JayFeather?" He asked. "Yes." Said BlueStar. "he needs to know." [Yes, it might be an idea.]
She walked away from the pool to tell JayFeather about the prophcy. [As if we couldn't gather.]
did u like it? plz tell me in urm review! [Oh sod off.]

Well, this is... Yeah. Isn't it? Oh dear...

Until next time!


SharpFang said...

LOL thanks. Your comments made this even funnier.

Something Blue said...

Hah! Yes! I actually have part of an MST of this in my GDocs somewhere.

Alyss Hawk said...

I think that Mothwing the golden cat is ACTUALLY golden in the books. Kinda forgot really.

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