Monday, 4 April 2011

DC: Hitman: The Hitting Chapt. 4

Oh well, dear reader, this thing has only 6 chapters, so there's not much pain left after this. Famous last words.

Chapter 4
AN [this'll be good] I am trying to make it better by fixing sentences [ORLY?]. MS Word is not giving squiggles [then it is broken. Like your mind, dear trollficcer] but I will keep trying just in case.
Back in Vegas 47 was yelling to Diana over speakerphone while fixing his new Uzi so it would shoot magnums [a gun that shoots other guns seems redundant]. "They tried to blow me up [who did?]! What's going on?" [I've genuinely no idea. I'm glad I'm not the only one who's confused.]
"Sorry 47, but everything turned out OK! Said Diana." [Who's saying this? Because it's not Diana] They turned crater into a lake so they can grow food [just like that. JUST LIKE THAT], and they're going to change the country's name to something really long so Americans can't find them and steal their stuff. [I really don't think that makes much difference to the Yanks. Also, you're thinking of the Middle-East.]
"Whatever Diana. Do you have a job for me or not?" ["No. Piss off."]
"Yeah. Hang on I'll get the instructions." ["Insert tab 'A' into slot 'B'."]
"OK I have the instructions now." Diana said when 47 had gotten to the Chilly house where the first mission of the fourth game happened ['chilly'? Do you mean 'Chile'? I think you do]. "The target is a crazy ex Russian hooker who thinks you're in love with her [this statement raises 5 questions]. Besides ruining our secrets our client also got a petition from a bunch of people who want to kill her for some odd reason [oh come on, you're not even trying now]. Then we want you to steal a suitcase in the cellar. [Just because, it would seem.]
Diana heard some bang over the phone and 47 said "Sorry what did you say? I didn't have silencer on." [Truly, 47 is the world's fastest assassin.]
Diana checked the map and saw target had already been dead [told you]." Oh. Thank you 47. Now just enter basement and take the suitcase."
47 stayed idling in the jungle woods when guards came [oh god, there's something in the water again!]. Now 47 did not have patience to wait for guards so he could be a silent assassin this time so he walked behind one guard, took out his silent pistol, and shot him in the head. [That's one method of getting past them. His rating's fucked now though.]
The other guard took out his warlike talkie [o.0] and told the other guards that his partner had been shot, and looked for killer. But Agent 47 had already walked behind the other guard and shot a runoff [o.0] into his head. But it was still not safe to us their uniforms. [Oh noes, suspense!]
So 47 tried something else.
47 then walked into the compound through the front door, and all the guards screamed "OH NO IT IS THE GHOST OF PEDRO RETURNED TO GET VENGANCE FOR NOT PAYING INSURENCE TO HIS WIFE AFTER HE WAS THROUN OFF THE CLIFF [there are no words. Also, the guards are linked to the hive mind]." Because Mr. 47 was wearing a guard uniform he got from the last time he was there. [And he hadn't took it off after all this time? Why didn't he just use it to walk past the guards earlier? Why am I trying to make sense of this?]
While everyone was locking themselves into room to cry 47 went into the cellar and began looking for the suitcase. He found it by a guy who was doing something to a machine [OO-ER] in a HASMAT suit.
The guy looked at 47 weird behind the suit so Agent 47 said "Boo. I am a ghost. Ghosts are real and I have seen them. Now I am one too so you need to go away before I make you one." [I can't tell whether that's awesome or terrible, so I'm going to settle for banging my head on the desk.]
"NOOOOOOO!" and then the other guy ran away. [Pansy. He should have called the Ghostbusters.]
47 took the suitcase, but also noticed that there was a bomb in the cellar, and that the timer had just been set, so he ran outside and rode away on his bike as it exploded. [47 has a bike now? Also, you'd have thought they'd have learned that the first bomb didn't kill him and so wouldn't try it again. Silly villains.]
So 47 used his concentration to dial his cell phone while riding and called Diana [he should have had her on speed-dial]. "They tried to blow me up again!
"Sorry 47." [What.]
"Our client is a dick Diana!" 47 scowled [he's being very childish about this]. "don't we do background checks?"
"We did, but the guy who did that didn't like us, and you killed him after he bought a Franchise." [I don't think the writer's quite got a grasp of the canon. Then again, it hardly matters anymore.]
"This sucks. Diana, can I beat up our client?" [What.]
"Sure 47. He's in Reno the General right now." [Brother of Reno the Corporal. I don't want to know what he's doing 'in' him.]

Even though it's only short, dear reader, it seems to take forever.

Until next time!


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