Tuesday, 19 April 2011

DC: StarKis Prophecy Chapt. 3 & 4

As I sit here with a bacon sandwich and am contemplating walking the eight or so miles to the university (and then the eight or so miles back), I have decided to tackle another couple of chapters of that horrible Warrior Cats 'fic'. Let's do this, dear reader.

[Chapter 3. I should point out that this chapter is actually entitled (and I quote) "chaepter too StraKit the heor." Yes.]

  ok jazzie-kun [that really doesn't bode well] pleas dont get mad at me cause your not in it yet [there's plenty of other things that we could get mad at you for]. You'l apear soon dont worry. [Oh, fantastic.]
StarKit wock up [yes, it's a good idea to wock up every morning] and sunlit was in the branches [from this, we can deduce that it's the day]. She closed her eyes againstill tired [oh dear, we're having problems with spaces now]. Butter mom [I don't know about you, but I sure do like my mothers covered in butter. Kill me] wouldn't let her sleep not today. [The problem with the comma is that there are either too many (comma splicing, or rampant abuse to the common comma) or too few / none at all.]
"Sweety its time to get up" said Dawnsparkle [she must be Queen Sparklypoo. StarKit, or whatever the hell her name is, must be Princess Sparklypoo]; her eys shinning [her vision is augmented]. "Today is important today." [Today is redundant today.]
"What is it Mom" said StarKit awake right away [mmm... Deliciously bad grammar]. Then the she cat rememembered what today was. [It's Tuesday.]
"Ohmigosh its my serimony today [what in god's name is a 'serimony'?]!' she squelled excercisedly [oh god, Enoby syndrome]. Today was the day she was an apprentice! [Oh goody.]
She flicked outside [that action doesn't mean what you think it does] not even waiting for her Mom. But her Mom cot up to her quick. [Good for 'Mom'.]
"Sweety you know the clans don't except cat slike use sometimes." She said. [What the fu-...]
StarKit glared. She didn't lake beig told that [I don't lake beig told things like that either. Also, I'm amazed she could understand what her mother said]. Just because her Mom was a usedto be Shadowclan cat and her dad was jayFeather the medicine Cat didn"t mean she ws different! [Punctiation could have saved that sentence. And spelling. And not writing this fic.]
"StarPaw come here." Said FireStar from the leg. He jumped down. [WHERE DID HE COME FROM?!]
"StarKit it s tome for you to become an apentice: he said. "Your [EXTREME RAGE. VERDAMMEN SIE] a strong brave cat and because of that I will mentor with you." [You mentor someone. You do not mentor with someone. That is just silly.]
Ever body gasped [I hate it when bodies do that]. StarKit did too [it's like a kitty porno. The furries are gonna murder me now]. Se herd [I herd u liek mudkipz?] hear mother say "Wow!".
Firehert liked her shoulder [I don't like her shoulder. It's too sparkly]. He whispered in her ear "youll be the best their ever was StarPaw I know ti." [This barely makes coherent sense.]
Surpised she walked away when they were done howling for her [cats don't howl]./ Then she went ofer to JayFeathern and DawnSparkle who were very prod. [They were very prod. Yes.]
"Daughetr where very happy but he have to say something said Jayfeather his chest puffed ouit. "You see there is this prophcy Starcaln gave me it said that out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly." [What the fuck is this shit.]
StarPaw gasped. What does it mean? [I agree with this statement.]
lol I update fast dont i [I've actually no idea]. REVEIW or ill hit over the head with a frying pan! XDD jk [You do and I'll feed you to Cthulhu. And I'm not joking.]

[Chapter 4. This one's actually called, and I once again quote, "chapeter thee the Batle With Shadwocaln!" I am not making this up.]

thx jazzie-kun 4 th good review [what]! and stop flmaing the stroy [here we go again]!1 i bet u cant right such a good story!1!1 [This has to be a trollfic. That can not be serious.]
StarPaw [yup, she's called that now. Keep up] walkd over too the appentice's den. Insid she saw her sister's FlamePaw and lakePaw and hr frend JazzPaw [that's the animal version of jazz hands] (a.n: jazzie-kin ur my bff [god almighty]!) waz slepping on the mos. [Yes.]
"JazzPaw get up." She cried. [She must be very upset. Bless. She must be reading this fic.] JazzPaw opend her brlliaint blu eyes [... Eyes made of blu-tack] and looked at hr. [Yes, the hour hand on a clock.]
"Do yo want 2 go on pattrol wit me?" she asked. [So she rudely tells her to get up, then politely asks her if she'd like to go on patrol? Agh, does not compute.]
"Sure!" Said JazzPaw [JazzPaw's channelling JC Denton] getten up from the moss. They leavt and went two the entrnse too camp. [Indeed.]
But then, a cat came in thru the entrnce! It was BlackStar!1!11 [Oh noes!]
"Shadowclan are attaking!" She yelled [there's only one of them though]. All the cats came out from there dens. She jumped on a cat and clawd him and he ran of. [Best. Battle. Ever.]
"Good job StarPaw!" FireStar called, "The last cat i new that culd fiht lik that was SandStrom. Your a good fihter!" [Yes, you can claw things. Well done. your mother would be proud.]
StarPaw was happy. She wus a good fihgter [really...]! Maybey this was wat the prophcy meant.
thnkx and ples no more flams [We found a badfic writer, may we burn her?]

Oh dear, awful fic. Truly awful. As a palette cleanser, dear reader, here's a couple of videos of a few friends and I failing terribly at Killing Floor! I'm not the one playing, but I come in the shot now and again. I'm the one who advices him how to use a shotgun.

Until next time!


Tim Smith said...

You are awarded: Star of Courage
Reason: Courageous tackling of, even by the interwebs and fanfic standards, horrors.
Addition Comments: It's painful to even know it was written ain't it?

Teddy Leach said...

Tim: I humbly accept this award, dear sir! Indeed, it is painful to know that it was even written.

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