Saturday, 5 March 2011

DC: Hitman: The Hitting Chapt. 2

Once again, dear reader, I have been let down on the prospect of a night out. Thus far anyway. But rejoice, for that means you get some more DC to devour! There's a marked deterioration in this chapter, incredibly.

Chapter 2
Agent 47 [I refuse to believe that this is 47] packed his ruble [why was he carrying around just one ruble? Interesting fact: one ruble is equivalent to 0.0218331079 of my English quids! Essentially, it's worth bugger all] and began to run away, but cop had seen clerks [the body belongs to the clerk. Ergo, an apostrophe is needed] body and began instigation [he began to encourage 47?]. He was in office when he saw Agent 47 begin running, so he shot his. [Shot his what? His load? Was he just that excited about encouraging 47?]
"Stop! said Agent 47. You are being mean for no reason!" [When did 47 become an 8 year-old? Probably when this fic started.]
"But you scared me [because that's a legitimate reason to shoot someone]!" Cop put down gun. Then cop asked "Did you see who killed this guy and OMG another guy is dead too of head damage?" [That was a question. I know, I didn't think it looked like one either.]
"I m sorry I cannot help you." [He is not being suspicious at all. Also, I'm fucking crazy.]
So Agent 47 got dressed again in his suit and walked away. [Is this while the guard was still there? I guess he did shoot his load... *Shivers*.]
In his house in Las Vegas [he got from London to Vegas just like that] Agent 47 practiced shooting with his favorite pistols, which he bought so he could kill the vampire boss [Ort-Meyer was neither a vampire, nor a boss] at the end of the first game [he knows he's been in a game. Fourth Wall broken!]. But soon people said he was being too load so he went to put silencers in them. [Yeah, they don't care that he's firing his pistols willy-nilly, only that they're loud. Also, 47 is an idiot in this fic.]
Agent 47 watched news, who said that assassin with bad spray tan [I like to think that the anchor actually said that the killer had a bad spray-tan] had made failed attack on Marilyn Mansion while shouting Soft Cell rules! [It was probably a personal agenda.]
"Stupid newbie." said Agent 47. I need to set example for others. [Yes, by killing everyone and being the most conspicuous assassin ever.]
Then the phone rang. It was Diana. [The phone was Diana? She can shape-shift!]
"Thank you 47." Se said. "If you were not secret person people would love you." [What is it with this fic and people loving the characters? I think the writer has a complex.]
"That is nice I guess [aww, isn't it lovely, 47? Feel my contempt]. What do you want me to do next?"
"We found new client who says he blew up parts of world and got guilty, so now he wants to make it better." [W-What? WHAT?! THIS MAKES NO SENSE.]
"What do he think we cane do?" Asked Agent 47. [You could give him the cane?]
"We have looked and planned who could be killed without bad things coming, and we found one guy." [is everyone in this fic 12?] Diana sent Agent 47 a picture in fax. "He is African warlord named King Basshole ['Asshole', possibly?]. We need to kill him, but not in way that blows up everything else."
"Sounds like it will be hard, but fun." Said Agent 47. "What plane ticket do I need?"
Meanwhile somewhere else in America there was another phone conservation taking place [just one? In the whole of America?], but this time it was between the secret American guy and another sinister guy [oh no, not another one].
"So plan is going perfectly. Said secret American guy." [Speech mark fail.]
"YES!" Said the other sinister guy. "NOW WE WILL BE WIENNERS [o.0] HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!" [I half expected him to say, "LULZ".]

Even for a trollfic, this hurts.

Until next time!


Knobby2 said...

dude, this hurts me, to be less conspicuous he shall wear a bunny suit (the one from a theme park not the playboy mansion) and use 2 rpg's like pistol's for the LUL'Z

Teddy Leach said...

Knobby: I dunno mate, 47 dressing like a bunny girl wouldn't surprise me right now. And I certainly expect him to use a couple of RPG's for the lulz. Bloody fic!

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