Saturday, 26 March 2011

DC: Broken Pieces Chapt. 2

As I write this, dear reader, I am listening to Rammstein at full volume, so do forgive me if I slip into German.

Ok my 2nd story [I don't think the writer's quite got the hang of 'story' and 'chapter'] sorry if it's short [the funny thing is that I usually end up writing more for the shorter chapters. Bah] I promised myself I would get another chapter up TODAY so I hope you enjoy. [Yeah... We'll see how well that goes.]
James couldn't belive [there's three 'e's in 'believe'] what he just heard, this little girl who is [should be 'was'... Let's not start slipping into the territory of bad tenses] no more then 6 or 7 years old witnessed her mothers death [except she didn't witness it, did she? She ran away before she saw her die]. Then out of nowhere Cindy suddenly fell to her knees crying rather louldly [I'd hardly say that it was out of nowhere]. At first James thought he should tell Cindy to keep it down but dashed that thought out as soon as it entered his head, there was no way he would tell this child to quiet her crying after she lost her mother, that would be insensative. [Yes it would. But we have to remember that James isn't the most sensitive person in the world. Although I won't spoil the twist towards the end of Silent Hill 2 for you, dear reader. Unless it becomes unavoidable.]
Unsure on how to comfort Cindy without making her feel uncomfortable [I think a hug would be appropriate] he knelt down beside her, patted her back and said "There, there it will be alright." Cindy looked up at him with bloodshot eyes and suddenly pulled him into a very tight hug [see?] afraid if she didn't he would dissapear forever. [We can only hope. I want the normal James back.]
James was surprised by her action, hugging somone she just met fifteen minuets ago but then he rememberd she was still a kid and kids thought all people were good. [Two things: no, they don't, and she has recently lost her mother. I think I'd want a hug.]
But despite his thoughts he huged [a huge what?] back and almost immediately felt a surge of adrenalin [there's an 'e' on the end of 'adrenaline'] but not the kind from fear but from the kind you get when you feel like you have a purpose in life [you get adrenaline rushes from having a purpose in life? Who knew. Well, the writer certainly doesn't] and James knew his current purpose is to get this girl out alive. [The tenses are jumping around like a kitten hopped up on sugar.]
"Cindy" James said softly "we have to go" and almost unwillingly he released her. "Your right [ficken grammatik! Oh dear...]" she said "come on I know somplace we can go" she said puting on a brave smile. James was relived to see she calmed down "alright lead the way" James said smirking "OK, ONWARD" Cindy announced. [Why announce it? Especially in that obviously bellowing voice. It's like she wants the monsters to get her.]
After about another 15 minuets they were walking down the middle of the main street in town [the town's name is 'Silent Hill' and the street names are in every single game. Do do the research]. Cindy was telling him how old she was, her favorite food, her favorite color, ect [that's just bloody lazy] when James heard in the distense the sound of an oversized blade being draged on the ground. ["You gon' get raped, boy."]
'Oh dear god not him again' James thought stopping dead in his tracks "whats [VERDAMMEN SIE] wrong James" Cind asked. 'OH NO CINDY! GOD KNOWS WHAT THAT MONSTER WILL DO TO HER' [rape her? Funny, I thought he was more into the mannequins] James thought and franticly looking for a place for her to hide "Cindy hide in that flower shop [yup, a conveniennt flower shop. I bet the door's unlocked and unjammed, unlike every door in Silent Hill. Ever] and don't come out until I say got it?" James orderd "but why..." was all she could get out before he said more sternly in a hushed tone "NOW!" and this time she did what she what she was told.
'I hope he didn't see her' [it's a wonder how it sees anything with that helmet] James thought. And as soon as he thought that Pyramid Head appeared looking in his eyes noticing that there was a look of anxiety and fear and as soon as he noticed that there was a sound of glass crashing on the ground inside the nearby flower shop. [Long sentence is massively long and has too many subject. Consequentially, it makes little sense.]
James breathing hitched at the sound and then Pyramid Head suddenly started to walk towards the shop and James swore he felt his heart stop. [He keeled over, dead. The end] 'I have to stop him but I can't make it obvious' [good luck with that] then James grabed his pistol and shouted "IM GOING TO KILL YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME!" [there's no subtlety quite like waving a pistol around and shouting] and by his fourth shot Pyramid Head grabed his wrists [who's wrists did he grabe?] and threw him against the ground and pulled his pants off and forced four dry fingers in his still sore entrace. [Ach gott, ach gott... NICHT WIEDER!]
James gritted his teeth at the pain but kept on thinking 'Im doing this to keep Cindy safe' [yeah, you keep telling yourself that... It's like Celebrian all over again. Not I feel ill] over and over then suddenly thought 'god please don't let her see this.' Unfortunetly Cindy saw it all. [She was traumatised for life. The end.]

WHEW this is definetly one of my best stories [bullesheiße] and it took me at least 2 hours to get it all down [that's not something to be proud of. Although it does explain things somewhat] not to mention the half hour thinking of how to go about the story and sorry to anybody that were exspecting a big rape scene [I actually was. I'm ruined forever]. BUT THIS STORY IS NOT SMUT [ORLY?] so you might as well stop reading if thats what your exspecting tell me what you think PLZ REVIEW PLZ REVIEW PLZ REVIEW! [I think the writer wants people to review. Call it intuition.]

Well, that chapter was... Yeah. Feuer Frei! Wait. What?

Bis nächste zeit!


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