Wednesday, 13 July 2011

DC: StarKis Prophecy Chapt. 11 & 12


[Chapter 11. Otherwise known as "Caeopter Nien HERO". Bloody hell.]

"EVERONE FALLOW [yes, turn her into a piece of uncultivated farmland] ME" meowled StarPleam [like 'star plums'. I have star plums, etc.] as see charred for th3 entranse to eh camp [ooh, we've moved into incomprehensible drivel. Again]. Tares stremmed down her face1 she wuss so sad her fahter had deid [it's like she's suddenly remembered] her leader was gunn. "FLAMEPAW LAKEPAW DUSTPELT MOM LOINBLAZE ["BY OUR POWERS COMBINED WE ARE CAPTAIN PLANET. Also, my loins blaze, etc.] FALLOW [I'm not making that joke again] ME." She said. "I NEDD [I am having A Song of Ice and Fire flashbacks] A PAROL." [Fail.]
The run into the frost their pass working fastly. [Indeed.] She wood kill HolyLeaf and TigerSar for what thed don! [Isn't TigerSar already dead?]
She batlecried using his nose to tar down the evill cats [what the fuck is this gibberish]. Her heat burneded! [Phwoar.]
Sune they had funded them [with dirty, sexy, money]. They were hidnig bwhind a bolder [read that as 'beholder', was unsure what emotion I was experiencing]. "HAHAHAH" LAUGHED HOLylesf [no shit?] putting er claw on FiresTarS thort. "IVE GOT YOU KNOW!" [It's possible we've jumped forward in time, but I can't be sure.]
StarGleam gasped. "noooooo Fireheat [most. Imaginative. Name. Ever]!" she scemmed "FalmePawgo [best. Name. Ever]!" she said. [Technically, she's exclaiming it.]
Flamepaw hurled at HolyLeaf [that's disgusting]. Hollyleaf laked at her in suprise [what strange methods of fighting these kitties have]. "What how could they have fallowd [you keep using that word. I don't think you know what it means] me." She dogged at Flamepaw [oo-er] her blue eys fallshig.
"NO FLAMEPAW" whaled LakePaw seing her sisters about too die [I don't even know who half these characters are. They're just there. I have no idea why. They just are. oh god make it stop]. "I LOVE YOU FALMEPAW." [...] She yowled jumping herself in front of HOlyLeaf. [This is terrible. This is really terrible. I'd even go as far as to say this is terribad.]
HollyLaffs paw cutt into hir throt blood came out LakePaw felt down. [Oh noes. I have no idea who that cat was anyway. Colour me careless.]
"NOOOO!1!11" StarPaw screamed. "FLAMEAPWWW! [no, no. LakePaw. Keep up, dear]" She ran for HoltLeaf but it wass no us. LakPaw was dyeing [what colour and pattern?]. "I lofe you StarGleam." She wisperd before er blue I's cosed.

The first thing that came into my head when I read "I lofe you".
"NO WAKE UP LAKEPOOL [I give up]" shoited Stargleam-she was so sad and depersed she was cyring! [She is Enoby in Kitty form.]
"hahaha" laughed HollyLeaf evil. "u just dunt gedot d o you Im one of teh Tree [I can only assume that the monkey just started hitting random keys]! I have pows beyound ur emaginating!" nd then…. She turned in…. A BARE! [A bare what?]
"Gasped" gasped everyone [mind: blown]. It was a bare! [A bare what?]
"IM A SHAPSHITTER [I shit shapes too. Why, just this morning I shat a brick]!" siad Hollylea joyly.
"stargleam." Said FalmePaw cryingly. "I nedd to go back 2 the damp. I goat bury laekpaw [still don't know who it is]. Ive neverbeen out of camp before how do you get back!"
"U ju wak to te the est. said StarPaw." [Um... There's a bare thing right there. Actually, that probably makes it rather passive.]
Thaks said FlamePaw crying she piced up the LakePaw and putter on her back and run. [So FlamePaw's a she now? Lesbians, Dave.]
"nut so fast!" said Holyleaf! "Your not gunna get away that easly!" Wit a rar like an volcano erection [my erections are like volcanoes, etc.] she jumped at StarGlaem! [Oh noes!]
Everone! Gasped! [yup, still pussy porn. Hur hur. I need sleep so much. Oh, why not, let's have a Hive Mind too] "NOOOO." Yowled STarGleam as sumething lung and sarp pluned into her bk. "YOU CANT GET ME THAT EASLY." [Cue the boss music. IN FACT.]

Everyone jumped at the HoBare [oh. She's a bare ho]! The bare rared in pane! Starepaw sent her teeth into its for [o.0]. It rared. [For additional comedy, read this in the voice of Joe Pasquale.]
"oak oka" HolyLeafthe bare said. "i no know Your not guna be bettin that esliay [what]." Suddenly she was a cat1 then her body dropped her eyes went drka she was on the grund. Suddly ther wass howl from the other side of the froste. It was LaFlamePaw! [What.]
WHT SAID SPARGLAME. Thenshe locked. It was LakePool! She was runnin tord the forest starGleam was so appy. Then she sawyer eyes. [Wha- Forget it.]
THEY WERE OLLYLEAFS! [I still don't really know what's going on here.]
the next chatter wil coke soon [ah, so coke is to blame here. Seriously, don't do drugs guys]! AND STUP FLAMMING YOU HAETRS. YOU JUST DONT BELVE IN GOOD [no, I believe in pure, hardcore, sexy, EVIL]. spell good [no] so plzz review NICE! [Again, no.]

[Chapter 12, AKA "Chapeter Ten TigerStars evil pan!" Maybe evil pans levitate and hit people with a comedy *clonk* noise.]

"Oh nose!" yellded StarPaw she wus so horrorifed. "LakePaool is buck and seh is NUT OKA!"
That's the most adorable thing I've seen all month.
"Of coarse im not okay!" LakeFall [isn't this cat supposed to be dead? Forget it, I genuinely do not know what's going on. DO YOU SEE THE SACRIFICES I MAKE FOR YOU?] screchemd loadly she issed at StarGlame. "I'm being posesd by HolyLeaf wut do you THINK [possession: You're doing it wrong. It's been a while since we've had one of them]!" she yelddl and hulrd hesselv at StarPaw. StarGlme was so surpissed she culdn;t mofe [Silly cow cat.]
REDPAW! Redpaw runnth over [his RedPaw Runneth Over. That could potentially be a euphemism] to StarPaw and jumped in font of herr and LakePolawm hit her insta. [That's not a nice place to hit her in.]
"Nuu Redpaw!" chked StarGlamea and she locked at RedPaw [is it just me, or is the spelling actually getting worse?]. "RedOaw are yu okayo?" she esked upsed. RedPaw cughed. "No im not but at leaat I sawed yuour lif [bloody Mary Sues]! she sed and then he did [who did what?]. StarFlame locked at RedPaw she wus so buttifly then StarGleam shock her hud. "No Im STRREET [*stares*]!" she taught madly. "but now what do we dao agant LakePaw!" she lucked up. LakePaw was runnen toward Loinblzx and she was WIDESPED! [What.]
"NOWWWWWWW LIonHEAR [my loins hear everything, etc.]!" wisprd StarGalem and she ran towed LionBlaze and she hit LakePaw, who did to. [Yes.]
"StarGlame I will get u for thiss11 sed LakePaw as SatinClaw drag away to hellClan. He waswerng oink naie Polish [there are no words]. then StarGlame stinted to crry as she realed that her sitter ass ded. [Har har, 'ass'.]
"you killd my Subjt!" HolyLeaf rared turng back in a bare. "Ilus get you for thi!" she saud and then she rudhed at StarPlame. "Oh o [like an owl with a sore throat]!" yelld every1 "tarPaw got our of the Way!" ["Geddit lik Gerrard Way lol"]
Tim semd to slow danw as StarPawlem run awy from the bare. But she ran left into... TIGGERSTAR!" [But he's dead!]
"Fuhrstar! yellded a TiggerStraw. "You ar gong to did now!" And he held out... SOME JEW! [There are even less words than there were before.]
"Omg jyew!" elld FamePaw she locked at the yew. "But it wooden work becas thers a lizded on it." They all locked at the lizard. It wus a newt. The nwt ran away. [There... Was a newt on the Jew, so the Jew wouldn't work, and then the newt... Ran away... What?]
"... NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled FamePaw. "Now the yew is gunna wkr!
"Ete the yew!" sadi TiggerStar he thirst it at StarGlame StarGleam baked away. "You're never get moi [sacré bleau] to ete it!" she esked and then she held "YOUE NEVER TOOK ME ALIV!"
"are you so sur?" aksed TigerClar and then he lung at StarGlema and grabed her and ran away. "Youl never cathg me!1111 he laght meanly. "Im gong to Shadowcaln!" And then he luf. [Yes. All of that stuff just happened. Whatever it was.]
Guyx I ben working relly hard on this wile I was gon. im sor'ry for the wait. Revew betetr and ill updat mor quick [...]

I just want to go to bed.

Until next time!


SharpFang said...

I think Flamepaw was getting sick from the Sue and her sparkles. Then Hollyleaf dug a lake so the vomit won't go all over her and into the lake instead.

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