Friday, 13 May 2011

DC: StarKis Prophecy Chapt. 5 & 6

It is a shame that Blogger fucked up and deleted the draft of this post, dear reader. Because I'm feeling twice as murderous and bad tempered as I was the first time I wrote this post. Right, let's see what this fucking terrible fic is doing, shall we? Incidentally, I'm sorry I haven't posted particularly recently, but I've been very busy, as my 13 Twitter followers have been informed. Yes, only 13. If you have a Twitter and are not following me... Well, there's nothing I can do to make you follow me. It's also probably for the best, what with my live-tweeting porn movies and what not. Yes, really.

[Chapter 5. This one's called "chapter Four FireStras Tecching". Yes, "Chapter Four". No, I don't know either.]

OMGOSH GUkys im so sorry but SOMEONE glares at rainy days [I glare at rainy days. Such as this one, as it happens. My least favourite part of Summer is the part where it rains and quarter to nine in the evening and it's still light outside, albeit dull as the hobs of Hell. Yes, I am currently waving two fingers out of the window at the sky] FLAMED ME AND I GOT REALLY HURT [you should put some cream on those burns]. OKKAY IF you dont LIKE thestor y you dont have to readit u know. [Fanficcers always use this one, and they never ever see the obvious flaw in it.]
Chapter Three [It'll be Chapter Two next] The Traning Under The Stars [The transgender operation under the stars? Oh my.]
Shadowclan run from the camp. StarPaw smiled. Shed one! Noone cod hurt her family now . [Except for a nuclear Armageddon. I hope that's how this fic ends.]
StarPaw!" said FireStar. "Its time we train!" I want to show you how to fight!" [But they said last chapter- Oh, forget it.]
"Ok." Sad StarPaw happl;y. "but yo just saw I culd fight, write [write. It's something you can't do, dear badficcer]?" "Well, ya." said FireStar. "But I wnted tol see if that was all you new." [I should think that, for a cat, knowing how to stab and slash with her claws would be plenty. I'm going to assume she already knows how to bite things.]
"Ok." They went to the frost togather and the other cats cleaned jp the bodies [what bodies? There was only one baddie, and he survived]. "Ok StarPaw" said Firestar one they got their. "We'll start with how to dog." [o.0]
"Cmon thas too easy [having never gone dogging, I don't know how easy it is. I don't imagine it's very difficult]!" yelled StarPaw. Shed just beat BlackStar she was ready for anything! [Sigh...]
"ok Ok" mewled FiresTar, lets learn how to claw an oponit. [Surely that's easier than dogging?]
"Ya." Yowled Starkit. She jumped at FireStar not Giving hiM time to attakc. "She hit his side he didn't move he was to surprise.d she clawed him and he started bledding [poor kitty]. "wow StarPaw" he said ".Your [extreme anger] doing awesome." "Really?" gaped StarPaw. She didn't think she was doing that god was she relly special like the porphesy meowed? [I see what you did there. It's terrible. Also, of course she's special, she's a bloody sodding Sue.]
"Yes StarPaw." Snarled Firestar. "I couldnteven get away in fast enough. Only scourg was did that before.,"
"OMGOSH REALLY?" asked StarPaw. Scourg?1? THE SCOURG [THE SCOOOOUUUUUUUURG!]? She dherad so muchj about him he was really evil and killed alot of cats [mean kitty]. "I'M LIKE SCOURG [yes. You're evil]? "I didnt mean it like that" FirePaw sad fastly. "I ment you wer a good fighter. Its really cool." At that minute he thought to himself 'Starpaws so kawaii [OH GOD NO] look at her eys and her fur.
"Oh ok thanks." They trained floor awhile later StarPaw beat FireStar 8 times once she let him win to make him fel bettar and b y the last one she was alittle tired. [Oh, kill me.]
"Hey FireStar can we hunt now." Said StarPaw. "im kinda hungry." [Try and hunt a bear. See how well it goes.]
"Oh we'll if you want." Firestar was disappointed he and; starPaw had been having so much fun. So they went huntng, StarPaw messed up a couple times but FireStar said it was okaysince it was only her second time (she'd had her first time when she was a littlekit and she and FireStar had snuck out together that's why he chose her as his apprentice_. [Show, don't tell. Show, don't tell. Show, don't tell.]
Later that night StarPaw locked up at the stars. She and Firestar had'd so much fun this day [awww]. Theyd brung back enough food for the hole clan. ["Well you can just brung it out again."]
Locking upn at the stars she turned to her best friend, JazzPaw, and said, "Do you think well ever be up there."
"Ya totally [yes. You will fly into a star and be incinerated]." Said JazzPaww. "I mean youll be l,eader and I'll be depudy one day well have too!" [Indeed?]
"Ya." Said StarPaw smiling she loved JazzPaw NOT IN THAT WAY U SICKOS [aww, no hot pussy on pussy action?]!) they were best friends. She loked up at the stars again and smiled and fell asleep wit the Starcaln voices whisper in her head.
(lol u like it Jazzy I mead you as kawai as I could( [Oh cunt off.]

[Chapter 6. This one's called "Chatper Forr GayStripe". I am not making this up.]
flamrs ur all satanits [but fanfiction taught me that Satanism is good! My Immortal has a lot to answer for]!11 anyon who dosent like the stro is a staneist cause StarGIPaw has such a strng conecton with sTarcaln and thats why you dot like it, its cause u do ntlik JEZUS! [The gentlemen in white coats will be coming to take you back to the rubbery room soon.]
"StarPaw wok up its tim 4 parole." [Wow, it really is like Porridge.]
StarPaw opnd hr brite reinbow eys and locked arund.
"Omigosh who wus tha!1!1"Sshe yellow.
"Its me GrayStipe" GrayStrip [he has an amazing number of names in this chapter, just so you know] wisperd in her er. StarPaw gottedup. [Gotterdammerung is a great opera.]
"Omigosh Graystip what do u want!1 she yelped GrayStrpe locked at hr. "Wll u be my mat" hE ESked. [Mat? Mate? We may never know, dear reader.]
"OMigosh grayStripe thats so nic!" StarKit scremed. "but FireStar alredy esked me." [Did he?]
"wel then hes jst an idot."
"StarPaw wok up its tim 4 parole." ["You've created a time paradox! Snake, you can't go changing the future like that."]
StarPaw opnd hr brite reinbow eys and locked arund.
"Omigosh who wus tha!1!1"Sshe yellow.
"Its me GrayStipe" GrayStrip wisperd in her er. StarPaw gottedup.
"Omigosh Graystip what do u want!1 she yelped GrayStrpe locked at hr. "Wll u be my mat" hE ESked.
"OMigosh grayStripe thats so nic!" StarKit scremed. "but FireStar alredy esked me."
"wel then hes jst an idot."
y do u say tha [oh, we're back to the present now]?" yellED STARPaw GayStrip [hur hur, 'gay strip'] locked at hr meanly. "i dont lik him" sqeakd GrayStripe he locked arund fastly. "hes a mean cat!
"OMIGOSH U MEAN LIKE SCOURG [because SCOURG absolutely has to be spelled with all caps]?" STARPAW SHOCKED.
"No ur much prtter then sourg" said Graystripe he licked her on the head I want u to be my mat [if only it was that easy in real life. Just walk up to a potential partner, lick her or him on the head and ask her or him to be your partner]." he yeleled.
"Well mabey. but what would FireStar say?" she wispereed. GrayStripe locked around agan. "I dont think he wuld mind." said GraStri;e [He's a swinger, y'see.]
"OMIGOSH SUR THAN!" StarPaww yelleded happly. [She is SO gullible.]
"Wat ar uo ta;kin abut" said FireHert he was walkin up. He locked angrily.
"oh uhhhh nuthin FireStar go back to sleep!" mwled StarPaw hoppin he would leaf so she culd be alon with grayStripe. [This is... Ridiculous.]
"Yah FireStra theres nithing to wory about!" cherrid GrayStrpe but Firestar didn't leave insted he said i thought I herd you asking her to be our mate." [Indee- What are the speech marks doing?]
"oh uh yeh. yELLED STARPaw but he didn;t leaf instead he jumped on GrayStripe!1!11
"I Want to be wit her!" said FireHart attakin GraySriep.
"No I do!" shouted. ["I want to shit next to her!" "No, I do!" Thank you, My Immortal.]
"guysys stop fihting you can BOTH be my mats [what]! StarPaw wispered apply like seCert."
"No we can;t do that their can only be 1 [THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!]!11 Howled Firestar. "Otterwies youll chet on us."
"So StarGleam, who will u pik?" giggled GayStipe. [Dear god...]

This fic is terrible. That is all.

Until next time!


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